One day, and all too soon, I suspect this bloggee thingee will get self into cataclysmic trouble. Like a good girl scout however, am always well prepared. (although was never a girl scout, actually!)
Therefore, in my defense am quoting the almighty Bridget:
''After all, it's only a diary. Everyone knows diaries are all just... full of crap.'m
From Bridget Jones's Diary, by Helen Fielding
Tuesday, March 05, 2013
Monday, March 04, 2013
Jeeves returns
Jeeves is back. From where? Doing what? With whom? Ah, the searing questions which burn my brain this Monday!
He apparently went to the Doc, and has IBS (more like Is B. S., but anyways!) Therefore he has been put on a special diet, requiring me to purchase special food AND also a number of appliances. Of course, you have realised that being unwell he has kept to his rooms and self has spent majority of weekend shopping for him and cooking for him. Have also had to do the loads, laundry, cleaning, ironing etc. Weekend transformed into disaster further, as had to forgo evening plans for both Friday and Saturday to tend to Jeeves. This mean cancellation of date with a certain fellow, who is not at all amused and thinks self has shown him to the curb. Since self was not too keen, will assume that clearly no good could come of relationship and therefore will let this fall by the wayside. Also, after all the chores, self is too tired to clarify situation and /or plan and execute revenge (as opposed to cheeky fellow.)
Rather incredibly Jeeves was up and about as though nothing had been amiss. He even had coffee ready and an omelette waiting warm in the pan, this morning. And guess what, they were both for me!
Perhaps this is his way of saying thanks?
Self might not be luckiest valet-employer on planet. But tomato and mushroom omelette was nearly good enough to make up for the rotten weekend. Almost, I said!
He apparently went to the Doc, and has IBS (more like Is B. S., but anyways!) Therefore he has been put on a special diet, requiring me to purchase special food AND also a number of appliances. Of course, you have realised that being unwell he has kept to his rooms and self has spent majority of weekend shopping for him and cooking for him. Have also had to do the loads, laundry, cleaning, ironing etc. Weekend transformed into disaster further, as had to forgo evening plans for both Friday and Saturday to tend to Jeeves. This mean cancellation of date with a certain fellow, who is not at all amused and thinks self has shown him to the curb. Since self was not too keen, will assume that clearly no good could come of relationship and therefore will let this fall by the wayside. Also, after all the chores, self is too tired to clarify situation and /or plan and execute revenge (as opposed to cheeky fellow.)
Rather incredibly Jeeves was up and about as though nothing had been amiss. He even had coffee ready and an omelette waiting warm in the pan, this morning. And guess what, they were both for me!
Perhaps this is his way of saying thanks?
Self might not be luckiest valet-employer on planet. But tomato and mushroom omelette was nearly good enough to make up for the rotten weekend. Almost, I said!
Thursday, February 28, 2013
When Jeeves is away...
Jeeves conveniently vanished while I was cooking, cleaning the kitchen, doing the laundry and putting on a load. Very suspicious behavior. Not very valet-like, at all. What was he up to all day? Entire point of having valet when self is left to do all this work, escapes self!
OMG. sudden realization dawning on self. Can almost hear staccato, tension-inducing music of Hitchcock film, or similar! Perhaps he is really a hit man sent by the mob on behalf of bank manager?
Voice of sanity: paranoid much?
Self: Oh just sod off!
Well, point was that Jeeves has gone AWOL. Guess he is not entirely to blame as living with self over past couple of months might be a teensy-bit demanding. Especially in relation to some of the hare-brained schemes that have attempted over past couple of months. Not to mention The Misguided Captain and Alpha Wannabe - such Daniel Cleavers, really!
Well, finally have flat to self and can do as please - which, frankly, I ALWAYS find a way to do. ALWAYS, as in Jeeves or no Jeeves. Hmmm, what is he up to? A tryst? An intrigue? An international diplomatic case of gargantuan proportions?
Voice of sanity: seriously, woman?
Self: Am determined to ignore you!
Oh well, while he's away, shall get down to some serious online shopping. Ha haaaa. Hope you didn't think I'd become mature and responsible and boring. No, no, no. That is not to be borne.
Voice of sanity: and you wonder why ghe bank manager has take a hit out on you? Shocking, isn't it?
Self: ignoring you!
Must keep moving towards dream-wardrobe full of clothes, bags and shoes, which will soon take over entire apartment, and will then have to buy floor beneath self's flat to live in. Which obviously will mean talking the bank people into giving my second loan the green light!
Loud slamming of door. It's not that Jeeves has returned. It's the door slamming behind voice of sanity as it just walks out.
Fantastic... Another successful instance of ignoring a problem to make it go away! Bloody brilliant!
Remember guys and gals, Denial ain't just a river in Egypt.
OMG. sudden realization dawning on self. Can almost hear staccato, tension-inducing music of Hitchcock film, or similar! Perhaps he is really a hit man sent by the mob on behalf of bank manager?
Voice of sanity: paranoid much?
Self: Oh just sod off!
Well, point was that Jeeves has gone AWOL. Guess he is not entirely to blame as living with self over past couple of months might be a teensy-bit demanding. Especially in relation to some of the hare-brained schemes that have attempted over past couple of months. Not to mention The Misguided Captain and Alpha Wannabe - such Daniel Cleavers, really!
Well, finally have flat to self and can do as please - which, frankly, I ALWAYS find a way to do. ALWAYS, as in Jeeves or no Jeeves. Hmmm, what is he up to? A tryst? An intrigue? An international diplomatic case of gargantuan proportions?
Voice of sanity: seriously, woman?
Self: Am determined to ignore you!
Oh well, while he's away, shall get down to some serious online shopping. Ha haaaa. Hope you didn't think I'd become mature and responsible and boring. No, no, no. That is not to be borne.
Voice of sanity: and you wonder why ghe bank manager has take a hit out on you? Shocking, isn't it?
Self: ignoring you!
Must keep moving towards dream-wardrobe full of clothes, bags and shoes, which will soon take over entire apartment, and will then have to buy floor beneath self's flat to live in. Which obviously will mean talking the bank people into giving my second loan the green light!
Loud slamming of door. It's not that Jeeves has returned. It's the door slamming behind voice of sanity as it just walks out.
Fantastic... Another successful instance of ignoring a problem to make it go away! Bloody brilliant!
Remember guys and gals, Denial ain't just a river in Egypt.
Wednesday, February 27, 2013
What now?
Have been away for some time. *some* might be an ever so slight understatement, in view of the fact that it's been a number of years. But as you might recall, I am rather time-flexible... Like Einstein I believe that time is relative... After all, great minds think alike, and all that! Although I have a slight inkling that this is not what his theory of relativity was about, exactly. But why bother with the details, when I have so much to tell?
Voice of sanity: Because the devil is in the detail, perhaps?
Self: oh do shut up! You are sooo pedantic!
What was I on about, in lieu of an apology to my readers? Ah yes... A long absence it has been, indeed. You might ask what I've been up to. Well, here's a quick recap of the most salient points...
Let's start with romance, just to please some of the gossips... During my absence I have gotten over and gotten rid of (although not in the mob way) Mr Big. I got tangled with Mr Even Bigger, the geek (sigh, don't we all have one in our past), the Captain (of a ship which was only slightly better off than the Titanic) and the (wannabe) Alpha. They have been a handful. And fortunately my memory isn't my forte, so all has been forgiven or forgotten or whatever. It's been over five years guys, so before you start raising your eyebrows at me, yes, I did date. And have made some unsavory choices, admittedly. However, this has been a learning process and am not going to make the same mistakes again. And i don't mean that in the new year's resolution kind of way!!!
No, have not settled down with nice sensible man and gotten married. Erm, didn't you read the above or any of my previous posts, over the years? Still no Mr Darcy.
Have also not been kidnapped by aliens, wanting to return me to the mothership!
Managed to escape the men in white coats, together with the ravages of time (the latter thanks to a vigorous beauty regime, healthier lifestyle and some pretty expensive creams.)
Have not been hunted down by bank manager (who incidentally has now taken a not-so-legal-contract out on my head. The cheek of the man... After single-handedly creating the global recession, well practically.). However, I did have few close calls. Phew, can that fellow run despite his short stubbly legs and pot belly. I thought he would have dropped dead from shock when the bank approved the loan application for my flat!
Have spent the equivalent of eleven months stuck in traffic, three years working my butt off, and two years thinking (which, incidentally, I also do in my sleep!). Have taken up some new interests too... But must not give the game away so soon, as should save something for future posts!
More interestingly, I have also engaged the services of a butler. Yes... Keeping up with all the above and the housework, was simply too much. My job, social life and various interests take priority. And time is limited, too. Plus, Big was right about one thing... I am not made for the nitty gritty housework thingee. Enough excuses?
Voice of sanity: She needed a butler, she thought. This one is beyond help!
Self: Didn't you hear me when I said shut up, the first time round?
Yes, I now have a valet, who we shall call Jeeves. Needed some help with the chores around my flat so, voila...Jeeves. Although between you and me, am still at a loss as to exactly what I am paying him for. He is very smart and charming in an asexual sort of manner. Very stiff upper lip, all formalities, and all that. And he has these velvety white gloves.
Voice of sanity: a valet? For a flat? A VALET?? What will she do now, hire a zoologist to take care of her yellow rubber bath duck?
Self: SILENCE (said in echoing manner of Dumbledore during Hogwarts' assembly.)
Right, let's get it straight from the get go. Jeeves is not a significant other, nor is he a romantic or sexual partner. He is employed by self to take care of the cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping, household maintenance and what not. This is purely business, and clearly I am the boss!
However, for some reason I end up cleaning after him and mentally dueling him into letting me have MY way around MY house. Really. The things I have to put up with!
Must go as Jeeves is breathing down my neck, trying to discreetly (he thinks, but I will NOT be fooled) discover what I am up to!
Voice of sanity: Because the devil is in the detail, perhaps?
Self: oh do shut up! You are sooo pedantic!
What was I on about, in lieu of an apology to my readers? Ah yes... A long absence it has been, indeed. You might ask what I've been up to. Well, here's a quick recap of the most salient points...
Let's start with romance, just to please some of the gossips... During my absence I have gotten over and gotten rid of (although not in the mob way) Mr Big. I got tangled with Mr Even Bigger, the geek (sigh, don't we all have one in our past), the Captain (of a ship which was only slightly better off than the Titanic) and the (wannabe) Alpha. They have been a handful. And fortunately my memory isn't my forte, so all has been forgiven or forgotten or whatever. It's been over five years guys, so before you start raising your eyebrows at me, yes, I did date. And have made some unsavory choices, admittedly. However, this has been a learning process and am not going to make the same mistakes again. And i don't mean that in the new year's resolution kind of way!!!
No, have not settled down with nice sensible man and gotten married. Erm, didn't you read the above or any of my previous posts, over the years? Still no Mr Darcy.
Have also not been kidnapped by aliens, wanting to return me to the mothership!
Managed to escape the men in white coats, together with the ravages of time (the latter thanks to a vigorous beauty regime, healthier lifestyle and some pretty expensive creams.)
Have not been hunted down by bank manager (who incidentally has now taken a not-so-legal-contract out on my head. The cheek of the man... After single-handedly creating the global recession, well practically.). However, I did have few close calls. Phew, can that fellow run despite his short stubbly legs and pot belly. I thought he would have dropped dead from shock when the bank approved the loan application for my flat!
Have spent the equivalent of eleven months stuck in traffic, three years working my butt off, and two years thinking (which, incidentally, I also do in my sleep!). Have taken up some new interests too... But must not give the game away so soon, as should save something for future posts!
More interestingly, I have also engaged the services of a butler. Yes... Keeping up with all the above and the housework, was simply too much. My job, social life and various interests take priority. And time is limited, too. Plus, Big was right about one thing... I am not made for the nitty gritty housework thingee. Enough excuses?
Voice of sanity: She needed a butler, she thought. This one is beyond help!
Self: Didn't you hear me when I said shut up, the first time round?
Yes, I now have a valet, who we shall call Jeeves. Needed some help with the chores around my flat so, voila...Jeeves. Although between you and me, am still at a loss as to exactly what I am paying him for. He is very smart and charming in an asexual sort of manner. Very stiff upper lip, all formalities, and all that. And he has these velvety white gloves.
Voice of sanity: a valet? For a flat? A VALET?? What will she do now, hire a zoologist to take care of her yellow rubber bath duck?
Self: SILENCE (said in echoing manner of Dumbledore during Hogwarts' assembly.)
Right, let's get it straight from the get go. Jeeves is not a significant other, nor is he a romantic or sexual partner. He is employed by self to take care of the cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping, household maintenance and what not. This is purely business, and clearly I am the boss!
However, for some reason I end up cleaning after him and mentally dueling him into letting me have MY way around MY house. Really. The things I have to put up with!
Must go as Jeeves is breathing down my neck, trying to discreetly (he thinks, but I will NOT be fooled) discover what I am up to!
Tuesday, February 12, 2013
Saturday, January 20, 2007
Notte Virtuale
I went to the Notte Bianca event in Valletta, together with thousands of others. However I had to give the even more popular Notte Bianca a miss as I was at home very, very sick. Despite having taken the flu vaxine, earlier...
Hang on... need to take a few minutes to day dream. Michael Buble is singing in my ears as I type these words.... da da da da da da and I'm feeling gooooooooooooodddd. (Ok that was sooo out of tune, count yourselves as seriously lucky that I'm not putting that on mp3 for you to bust your eardrums on!) da da da-dum dum dum da da da....
Not only do I hear voices in my head (occasionall, though!) but now these are also in competition with Micahel Buble. Wanna bet who'll win? (Hint: the smart money ain't on sanity lol)
Alrighty now, let's revert to back sanity. (who the hell says alrighty anymore! poss one of my many personalities is an older man from the 1940s... lol) Nah! It's just Michael Buble putting me in a goood mood! I love swing, and his voice really takes to it!
I was going on about the flu vaxxine - which I only took because my dear cousin's a fantastic (and beautiful!) pharmacist, who gives you injections minus the nasty sting! Anyways, that's a whole other post (memo to self!)...
What I was getting at, prior to all the flying off at tangents, bit(s).. was about to tell y'all that am just getting over a nasty chest cold, which the vaxxine doesn't ward off. (Question: what is entire point of taking vaxxine when self still ends up sick?)
Yes...
In fact spending all that time indoors, not feeling up to doing much... well there's only *that* much TV you can watch in a day (or is there?) But i found myself online chatting with friends... and others, catching up with people who I haven't seen in ages. So much so that in fact, yesterday instead of going out, I had my own little notte virtuale, with a number of friends around the four corners of the earth! It was v cool.
Tonight am going out for a coffee, a real coffee, with Lars. Then will go for a drink. But am thinking of organising a cool cast on Skype, or something. If I manage to get my head round to doing that, I'll let you know so we can all have a Notte Blog.
Good weekend guys and gals!
Hang on... need to take a few minutes to day dream. Michael Buble is singing in my ears as I type these words.... da da da da da da and I'm feeling gooooooooooooodddd. (Ok that was sooo out of tune, count yourselves as seriously lucky that I'm not putting that on mp3 for you to bust your eardrums on!) da da da-dum dum dum da da da....
Not only do I hear voices in my head (occasionall, though!) but now these are also in competition with Micahel Buble. Wanna bet who'll win? (Hint: the smart money ain't on sanity lol)
Alrighty now, let's revert to back sanity. (who the hell says alrighty anymore! poss one of my many personalities is an older man from the 1940s... lol) Nah! It's just Michael Buble putting me in a goood mood! I love swing, and his voice really takes to it!
I was going on about the flu vaxxine - which I only took because my dear cousin's a fantastic (and beautiful!) pharmacist, who gives you injections minus the nasty sting! Anyways, that's a whole other post (memo to self!)...
What I was getting at, prior to all the flying off at tangents, bit(s).. was about to tell y'all that am just getting over a nasty chest cold, which the vaxxine doesn't ward off. (Question: what is entire point of taking vaxxine when self still ends up sick?)
Yes...
In fact spending all that time indoors, not feeling up to doing much... well there's only *that* much TV you can watch in a day (or is there?) But i found myself online chatting with friends... and others, catching up with people who I haven't seen in ages. So much so that in fact, yesterday instead of going out, I had my own little notte virtuale, with a number of friends around the four corners of the earth! It was v cool.
Tonight am going out for a coffee, a real coffee, with Lars. Then will go for a drink. But am thinking of organising a cool cast on Skype, or something. If I manage to get my head round to doing that, I'll let you know so we can all have a Notte Blog.
Good weekend guys and gals!
Sunday, January 14, 2007
Contact
The past couple of weeks have seen me spend lots of time on my computer... and not only work! I've been online for most of my free-waking time.
Am feeling as though am stuck in the tentacles of the web. But at the same time am not exactly an unwilling prisoner. Perhaps some great pschologist will one day come up with a theory for the web along the lines of the Stockholm Syndrome. Meanwhile, I am just going along with the insanity.
This week I have chatted and voice-chatted with friends who are living abroad, I have been tracked down by an ex-boyfriend (or something like that) and made some new virtual 'friends.'
And then I decided to look up some people who I haven't seen in ages. And guess what? I have managed to get in touch with practically all of them! Which means that all the Rebus novels that I've been reading are paying off and am carefully honing in my detective skills! Or it could also mean that am paranoid and the web is just really easy to use!
What I can say with some degree of certainty, is that it's very wiered having a virtual conversation with someone who you used to know very well in reality, but haven't met in ages. Some graves should be undisturbed... whereas other avenues are intiatlly explored on the web... it's all very confusing!
Will go check who's online now... then will check my mail!
Catch you later
Am feeling as though am stuck in the tentacles of the web. But at the same time am not exactly an unwilling prisoner. Perhaps some great pschologist will one day come up with a theory for the web along the lines of the Stockholm Syndrome. Meanwhile, I am just going along with the insanity.
This week I have chatted and voice-chatted with friends who are living abroad, I have been tracked down by an ex-boyfriend (or something like that) and made some new virtual 'friends.'
And then I decided to look up some people who I haven't seen in ages. And guess what? I have managed to get in touch with practically all of them! Which means that all the Rebus novels that I've been reading are paying off and am carefully honing in my detective skills! Or it could also mean that am paranoid and the web is just really easy to use!
What I can say with some degree of certainty, is that it's very wiered having a virtual conversation with someone who you used to know very well in reality, but haven't met in ages. Some graves should be undisturbed... whereas other avenues are intiatlly explored on the web... it's all very confusing!
Will go check who's online now... then will check my mail!
Catch you later
Wednesday, January 10, 2007
New Year and Big Bangs
After a very hectic year (2006) dashing all over Europe on work, various personal tribulations, all that and a bag of chips, I took some well-deserved time off over the festive season.
Plus P was in town.
As was Ed.
Which made for a very full social calendar - which was great. Apart from the fact that between social calendar hysteria, candle making and aromatherapy experiments, i didn't find the time to blog. And no apologies there.
Can you blame me?
And there were Christmas parties, gettogethers, luxurious coffees, endless lie-ins (which I was in desparate need of), and then there was New Year's Eve... Sigh! The year started with a bang... and then music started playing in my ears!
Also managed to do some leisure travelling... to Gozo on the second day of the New Year. (Double sigh, but in a good way!)
However, just to put things into perspective, this was a new year that nearly didn't happen for me!
Seriously....
Sad but true. P and myself (frozen P - due to panic, I should say) had a near death experience. I was driving with P as my passenger, on the Birkirkara bypass on the way to watch Sophia Coppola's Marie Antoinette when the cars travelling on the lane next to mine collided and one of them ended up overturning and skidding towards me! You can imagine the shock of seeing a car travelling towards me at high speed - with no possibility of breaking (since do not imagine that car had breaking facility also on roof, just in case!) Well, fortunately the big bang (with my car) was prevented when the car stopped nigh six inches from the mirror on the driver's side - aka from me!
By the time I pulled my car over to saftey and got back to the scene of the accident, all three passengers of the overturned car were out and unscathed!
Now that was a lucky escape... and something (else!) to celebrate!
All the best for 2007 to all!
Plus P was in town.
As was Ed.
Which made for a very full social calendar - which was great. Apart from the fact that between social calendar hysteria, candle making and aromatherapy experiments, i didn't find the time to blog. And no apologies there.
Can you blame me?
And there were Christmas parties, gettogethers, luxurious coffees, endless lie-ins (which I was in desparate need of), and then there was New Year's Eve... Sigh! The year started with a bang... and then music started playing in my ears!
Also managed to do some leisure travelling... to Gozo on the second day of the New Year. (Double sigh, but in a good way!)
However, just to put things into perspective, this was a new year that nearly didn't happen for me!
Seriously....
Sad but true. P and myself (frozen P - due to panic, I should say) had a near death experience. I was driving with P as my passenger, on the Birkirkara bypass on the way to watch Sophia Coppola's Marie Antoinette when the cars travelling on the lane next to mine collided and one of them ended up overturning and skidding towards me! You can imagine the shock of seeing a car travelling towards me at high speed - with no possibility of breaking (since do not imagine that car had breaking facility also on roof, just in case!) Well, fortunately the big bang (with my car) was prevented when the car stopped nigh six inches from the mirror on the driver's side - aka from me!
By the time I pulled my car over to saftey and got back to the scene of the accident, all three passengers of the overturned car were out and unscathed!
Now that was a lucky escape... and something (else!) to celebrate!
All the best for 2007 to all!
Tuesday, October 17, 2006
Police Psychology?
She nodded slowly. 'And during the day. I can't seem to
erase it.'
'So don't try. Just file it away, that's all you
can do. Admit it to yourself, it happened, you were there, then file it
away. You won't forget it, but you won't harp on it
either.'
'Police psychology?'
'Common sense, hard learnt...'
Taken from Ian Rankin's bestseller 'Mortal Causes'
Let's just say i've done a stint in the funny farm... of the metaphorical sort, of course. They'd never have let me out of the real one, would they, now?
Let's just say i've done a stint in the funny farm... of the metaphorical sort, of course. They'd never have let me out of the real one, would they, now?
Well, I have returned enlightened and obsessed. Explanation follows hereafter.
Enlightenment: See above quote. It's about zen. About keeping the baggage and letting go at once. Living the experience and savouring it but not letting it carry you away. Basically, either Ian Rankin's a genius with insight, or else I'm seeing things... again (sic!) Reading too much into things and all.
Obsession: Not of the Calvin Klein variety. But with the reading too much business. Really, am beginning to believe that I've really been going overboard with the books. Have devoured eight of Ian Rankin's seventeen Rebus novels in just over a month. Basically, have turned into a heremit. When am not slaving at work, typing frantically over a keyboard and mooning over files and piles of paper, am reading like mad. Like mad! It's exhilarating. His plot is fantastic, his characters are real and flawed, and his humour bites! Plus, am in lurve with Rebus. (Sorry, have traded in Colonel Brandon from Sense and Sensibility with this bittersweet Scottish detective.) Sigh!
Saturday, July 15, 2006
Moblogging test
Since have become addicted to surfing the web and checking my email
via my mobile am now attempting to moblog from paradise! Only thing is
that have messed up my t 9 setting and this is taking forever!!! Let
me know if this works by dropping me an email .
Wednesday, June 28, 2006
Pics of the latest business trip
Too tired to do much of anything.
Too restless to go to bed at 11 pm on the eve of a public holiday.
Plus keep dreaming about being stuck in prison, while my 'negoitator' (whose side is he on???) tries to convince my would-be captors that I'm worth a heck of a lot less than 30 goats, one milking cow and a camel (the latter thrown in, just for shits and giggles, as it were...) Weird, I know!
Welcome to the world of jetlag. I am your host here!
Decided to post some pics here about my most recent trip to the Med.
Several flight delays, crossed connections and turbulence and I arrived at destination 1. Work took me to a lush gala night atop a pontoon - see pic. (No need for jokes, here... I didn't trip over in my heels and go splash into the water... well, only because a good-looking fellow business-tripper was there to catch me in time... French guys are such gentlemen!) I could soooo live this life!
Work appointments at destination 2 were busy and hectic, (but thankfully very fruitful... as opposed to fruity) so decided to haunt a very VERY Zen bar (pic above), which was totally fabulous and served my very favourite Mojitos!!! The haunt was so zen that just the thought of it... makes my eyes turn misty blue? Nah, but it does make me want to read Siddharta all over again, and Zen and the Art of motorcycle maintenace...
Too restless to go to bed at 11 pm on the eve of a public holiday.
Plus keep dreaming about being stuck in prison, while my 'negoitator' (whose side is he on???) tries to convince my would-be captors that I'm worth a heck of a lot less than 30 goats, one milking cow and a camel (the latter thrown in, just for shits and giggles, as it were...) Weird, I know!
Welcome to the world of jetlag. I am your host here!
Decided to post some pics here about my most recent trip to the Med.
Several flight delays, crossed connections and turbulence and I arrived at destination 1. Work took me to a lush gala night atop a pontoon - see pic. (No need for jokes, here... I didn't trip over in my heels and go splash into the water... well, only because a good-looking fellow business-tripper was there to catch me in time... French guys are such gentlemen!) I could soooo live this life!
Work appointments at destination 2 were busy and hectic, (but thankfully very fruitful... as opposed to fruity) so decided to haunt a very VERY Zen bar (pic above), which was totally fabulous and served my very favourite Mojitos!!! The haunt was so zen that just the thought of it... makes my eyes turn misty blue? Nah, but it does make me want to read Siddharta all over again, and Zen and the Art of motorcycle maintenace...
Finally, I managed to find the time to relax a little by the pool; which was a v good idea! And yes... those are my pedicured toes at the bottom of the pic, he he he! Just in case you were wondering...
And still not willing to go to sleep, I now realise that am just in time for SATC (Sex and the City for the unitiated few who must've been located somewhere on planet Zonk without satellite TV for the past few years!)
Then will go get ready for the next business trip... I take off in a few days again!
Sunday, June 18, 2006
Where Am I Now?
Those of you who have been regular readers of MaltaToday since it's inception, might recall a very entertaining column entitled 'Where are they now?' Tongue lodged firmly in cheek, I am posting what is possibly the first auto-biographical sarcastic interview... EVER. (Drum rolls please!) This post is dedicated to said column and its author. By the way, does anyone know why they stopped running the column???
Name: Nina78
No, we meant actual name: You wish! Prefer to hide under safe womb-like protection duvet of nome de plume. Also, cannot possibly handle chance of some people taking a contract out on my head.
Gender: Female, duh! (just take a look at the staggering amount of shoes, accessories, bags and clothes in subject's possession.)
Age: It's NOT appropriate to ask a lady that!
Age: Ask nicely.
Age, pretty please: 27. I know I don't look it (or act like it!) but it's true.
Last time you checked the meaning of modesty in the dictionary: Oh shut up! I.AM.NOT.TALKING.TO.YOU.
Most remarkable features: Wit, sense of humour and hearing voices of my head.
Were you paying attention to the previous question?
Favourite action hero: Batman.
Where are you going?
Do I look like I know? Seriously! Do you mean where are you going, as in what are you planning to do with your life? That's a good question. One which requires serious reflection - perhaps I can jot down some ideas while I'm travelling on a plane (unless I have to catch up on work or something!)
No. What location will you be visiting next?
Oh, that!
(Sigh of total and utter boredom escapes self's lips.)
So?
Oh right. You're expecting a sensible answer.
(Sound of torch-light going on and rummaging of self searching for sense and its defunct cousin: sensible answer, in bottomless pit of new tote.)
Am attending a conference somewhere in the Med.
Sigh. (In resignation.)
Name: Nina78
No, we meant actual name: You wish! Prefer to hide under safe womb-like protection duvet of nome de plume. Also, cannot possibly handle chance of some people taking a contract out on my head.
Gender: Female, duh! (just take a look at the staggering amount of shoes, accessories, bags and clothes in subject's possession.)
Age: It's NOT appropriate to ask a lady that!
Age: Ask nicely.
Age, pretty please: 27. I know I don't look it (or act like it!) but it's true.
Last time you checked the meaning of modesty in the dictionary: Oh shut up! I.AM.NOT.TALKING.TO.YOU.
Most remarkable features: Wit, sense of humour and hearing voices of my head.
Were you paying attention to the previous question?
Favourite action hero: Batman.
Mission in life: World domination.
Appearance: Stylish and high-maintenance. Slightly hungover, but ONLY this morning!
Will never: Eat at fast-food chains.
Who's coming over for supper tonight: Supper, do I look like I have time for supper? Or the will to eat?
Where am I now?
Temporal-spatial dimension of self, currently unknown. Have been globe-trotting in manner of jet setting mogul (only NOT in first class!) for work-related purposes. Am jet-lagged and pathetically trying to catch up with humungous list of things-to-do. (Listing obsession reaching dramatic proportions now.) Too busy to bother with mess-state of self's life (which perhaps is a very good thing.) Also due to all this travelling have felt incontrollable urge to spend at airports and have also managed to squeeze in some frantic shopping under the buy-all-you-can-due-to-little-time-for-shopping-while-on-business-trip syndrome. As a result, ams now scared of checking bank balance as self's MasterCard is still hot from usage at various EPOS machines across Europe. Financial doom imminent. Possibly self is also still too drunk from last night to know / care about location! Gaah!
Where are you going?
Do I look like I know? Seriously! Do you mean where are you going, as in what are you planning to do with your life? That's a good question. One which requires serious reflection - perhaps I can jot down some ideas while I'm travelling on a plane (unless I have to catch up on work or something!)
No. What location will you be visiting next?
Oh, that!
(Sigh of total and utter boredom escapes self's lips.)
So?
Oh right. You're expecting a sensible answer.
(Sound of torch-light going on and rummaging of self searching for sense and its defunct cousin: sensible answer, in bottomless pit of new tote.)
Am attending a conference somewhere in the Med.
Sigh. (In resignation.)
Sunday, June 04, 2006
New outlook on life (sic!)
Yes, well as you can see I have changed (rather drastically - but that's me!) my blog template, as well as a number of other things in life.
Read: A change will do you good! (cf: Cheryl Crow)
Hmmm... Not so sure about the 'doing me good' bit about change. But at least it's something, no?
Am trying to make sense of a number of nonsensical happennings that have been going on at this end of the keyboard, but to no avail. (sic! what else is new?) In an attempt to clarify intense confusion that has gripped self, i have come up with the list below. (Tsk!)
Some background here: I believe that when being in the eye of a hurricane-from-hell type storm it is always best to stay very still and do nothing. Do nothing, but think and rationalise your way out of the hurricane. And we all know that the best way to clarify your thoughts are via lists. (Says who? Dunno. Just go with it. Pleeeease!) This is, I believe, what people do when in the jungle / forest they chance upon a lion / bear. The notion is clearly to pretend that nothing is out of the ordinary, thereby fooling the wild beast (with big,BIG teeth nestled in a very,VERY strong jaw) into believing that there is need to attack. Meanwhile, the beast will just wander off back to its den allowing you to escape slowly, and without making any sudden movements.
Disclaimer: This theory has not as yet been scientifically proven and the author will take no responsibility for the consequences of following the 'plan' above.
Note: If you are reading this and considering taking the author's advice, kindly seek medical attention, or even better check yourself into the funny farm. The author and her 'advice' are never, EVER to be listened to. Failure to heed this note may (and let's face it, probably will) get you in no-end of trouble!
Back to MY list...
List has been complied with same attitude used by The Bride's in Kill Bill. (Note, I said attitude, as in: I am not determined to hack people but just to get to grips with certain 'issues'. Now, if only i could swathe a Hattori Hanzo blade like that... suspect that earth would be a much better place!) Humph!
Well, here goes...
List of things that are REALLY starting to bug me:
(not in order of aggravation or priority!)
Read: A change will do you good! (cf: Cheryl Crow)
Hmmm... Not so sure about the 'doing me good' bit about change. But at least it's something, no?
Am trying to make sense of a number of nonsensical happennings that have been going on at this end of the keyboard, but to no avail. (sic! what else is new?) In an attempt to clarify intense confusion that has gripped self, i have come up with the list below. (Tsk!)
Some background here: I believe that when being in the eye of a hurricane-from-hell type storm it is always best to stay very still and do nothing. Do nothing, but think and rationalise your way out of the hurricane. And we all know that the best way to clarify your thoughts are via lists. (Says who? Dunno. Just go with it. Pleeeease!) This is, I believe, what people do when in the jungle / forest they chance upon a lion / bear. The notion is clearly to pretend that nothing is out of the ordinary, thereby fooling the wild beast (with big,BIG teeth nestled in a very,VERY strong jaw) into believing that there is need to attack. Meanwhile, the beast will just wander off back to its den allowing you to escape slowly, and without making any sudden movements.
Disclaimer: This theory has not as yet been scientifically proven and the author will take no responsibility for the consequences of following the 'plan' above.
Note: If you are reading this and considering taking the author's advice, kindly seek medical attention, or even better check yourself into the funny farm. The author and her 'advice' are never, EVER to be listened to. Failure to heed this note may (and let's face it, probably will) get you in no-end of trouble!
Back to MY list...
List has been complied with same attitude used by The Bride's in Kill Bill. (Note, I said attitude, as in: I am not determined to hack people but just to get to grips with certain 'issues'. Now, if only i could swathe a Hattori Hanzo blade like that... suspect that earth would be a much better place!) Humph!
Well, here goes...
List of things that are REALLY starting to bug me:
(not in order of aggravation or priority!)
- Situation with BIG - impossible to explain due to flippant, fickle nature of situation itself.
- Maybe even BIG (?) - which perhaps would be a good thing in manner of a sign that self is over it and has moved on. Hmmm. Perhaps this should be stricken from the list. But now that i typed it out and all... Naaaahhhh!
- Other people's fuck-ups affecting self's life - hmmmm better not dwell too much on this. too aggravating.
- Self's lack of commitment to self's self-imposed goals - also better not to dwell too much on this. too depressing.
- Failure of self to fix things - should go to some cosmic DIY lessons.
- Failure of Zen Master to fix things - cosmic DIY lessons to be taken from someone other than the Zen Master, perhaps. (However am aware that it is ALL MY FAULT. Despite my best efforts!)
- Self's compulsive obsession to list things - this is getting really baaaaaaadddd now!
Any advice anyone, seriously.
Better specify here. Any GOOD advice, anyone.
Seriously!
Sunday, February 26, 2006
Lights AND Doors
Note: Hung over from last nights 'excursion' with Lars and Er. We are all in our own separate ruts and since we seem to have reached the bottom of the barrel, we have sought solace in the bottom of wine bottles (white: Lars and Er) and Bacardi Cola (self.) So if this bit doesn't exactly make sense, blame it on the booze still in my system, this time!
Proverbial light at end of tunnel keeps flashing on and off, impishly blinding poor self as am immersed in a thick black ink placed which is punctured sporadically by floods of white light which blink on and off in manner of strobe at a rave. Since have never dropped e (in the words of my generation - sic! not my generation but the YOUNGER generation) cannot therefore possibly find this light freak show soothing in any manner, shape or psychedelic form.
You know how they say God never shuts one door without opening another.... The lights at the end of the tunnel continue to blink epileptically - though hopefully signalling impending opportunities coming my way, as my horo / horror-scope said - as opposed to signalling that they are regrettably on the blink! (In which Case: GAAAAHHHHH!) Well, in addition to blinking lights now also have to deal with added cacophony of doors slamming open and shut throughout said metaphorical tunnel as though were in the middle of bloody storm-draught from Alaska, Siberia or similar.
All is very confusing. Perhaps Zen Master is right (damn!) and life has no meaning (double damn!)
Also, perhaps efforts of people surrounding self have come to fruition and self has finally conceded into insanity. (Can almost hear men in white coats approaching the door!)
Gaah!
Laughing hysterically, which was pretty much what we did last night, ALL night: Ha ha, ha ha, ha ha HA!
Have therefore given up making sense of anything (again, sic!) and have done the only sane thing to do under the circumstances - severe retail therapy. (Read: shopping in three countries within the span of 24 hours.) It works wonders in manner of displacement activity (believe me, I'm an expert on the matter.)
Also have read Marian Keyes Under the Duvet (as a run up to the gift which Lars and Er gave me - Further Under the Duvet) AND Lauren Weiseberger's Everyone Worth Knowing.
Great progress, therefore. Think that am holding up pretty well under the circumstances. Obviously this will all change when I get my credit card bill and the inevitable note officially informing me that the bank has put a contract out on my head, as it were. (And who can blame them?) Will be / am in BIG trouble again!
Sound of doors slamming as self walks through proverbial tunnel. Now running madly into the flashing of lights which black out and flash back on with even greater intensity.
Gaah!
Repeat mantra du jour at will:
It all works out in the end. Nobody knows how –
but it always does.
(From the film Shakespeare in Love)
Tuesday, February 14, 2006
From Brrrrrusselzzz
On a work trip in Brussels...
Am writing from an AZERTY keyboard (as opposed to a QWERTY, which is clearly what all human beings are used to!) So I keep on typing q instead of a, a colon instead of the letter m and funny symbols instead of numbers, etc. (Am just clarifying that all typos - and there will be many are due to the freak nature of this keyboard as opposed to my lack of familiarity with the English language or excess alcohol consumed due to the freezing cold here!)
Managed to find an Internet cafe pretty close to my hotel so do not need to freeze my butt off for too long in order to blog. Obviously freezing self s (sorry, but cannot find the apostrophe for the life of me) butt off would be appealing in manner of fad diet which promises to loose a stone in two hours AND actually delivers! However, am working on developing realistic expectations from life. Yeah, right!
FYI Over the past five minutes have hqd - I mean HAD - to correct like a million bloody typos.... bloody, bloody keyboqrd! Will take a minute here to throw well deserved and long-overdue hissy fit! GAAAAAH§
Al is coincidentally also here on work, so am planning to meet up with him for dinner, as we very often do back home.
Well, regards to all of you and a very happy valentine s day to all!
Am now going to my hotel room, where the ever so thoughful management has left me utterly delicious belgiqn-melt-in-your-mouth chocs to commemorate Cupid s day! Yessss!
Am writing from an AZERTY keyboard (as opposed to a QWERTY, which is clearly what all human beings are used to!) So I keep on typing q instead of a, a colon instead of the letter m and funny symbols instead of numbers, etc. (Am just clarifying that all typos - and there will be many are due to the freak nature of this keyboard as opposed to my lack of familiarity with the English language or excess alcohol consumed due to the freezing cold here!)
Managed to find an Internet cafe pretty close to my hotel so do not need to freeze my butt off for too long in order to blog. Obviously freezing self s (sorry, but cannot find the apostrophe for the life of me) butt off would be appealing in manner of fad diet which promises to loose a stone in two hours AND actually delivers! However, am working on developing realistic expectations from life. Yeah, right!
FYI Over the past five minutes have hqd - I mean HAD - to correct like a million bloody typos.... bloody, bloody keyboqrd! Will take a minute here to throw well deserved and long-overdue hissy fit! GAAAAAH§
Al is coincidentally also here on work, so am planning to meet up with him for dinner, as we very often do back home.
Well, regards to all of you and a very happy valentine s day to all!
Am now going to my hotel room, where the ever so thoughful management has left me utterly delicious belgiqn-melt-in-your-mouth chocs to commemorate Cupid s day! Yessss!
Saturday, February 04, 2006
Back to ifs!
Shall I bother with apologies? Is it even the case? Need I tell you that I have been meaning to write for some time (understatement of the baby-new year!) but alas, I have not managed to get down to it!
Sometimes I think that I am the only sane person left in the world and that the entire population of our dingy planet is trying to drive me bananas. So I guess that you can imagine that things are pretty hectic and intense (which I am somewhat partial to - the intense part, that is - definitely NOT the hectic!)
I have been terribly busy getting on with my life, dealing with the crises that it entails, getting one of my dear darling baby projects stamped with 'rejection', trying to detect who on earth is sending me weird text messages and generally keeping the world spinning safely on its axis and preventing it from spiralling desparately into oblivion, which is precisely the world's natural enthropic tendency. THIS is what I have been up to (or at least that what it feels like!)
You would think that I've received my nomination for the next Nobel prize in the post, just today, but quizzically enough nobody from the Nobel board / commission has contacted me yet... Must look into this. Perhaps will be a late entry. Yes, that's it a surprise-last-minute nominations that bags the prize. The underdog that gets its day! Also, I hear that some serious cash is simply handed out along with the prestige, and I could seriously do with that (both cash and prestige, although need for cash has become more pronounced in order to escape hounding mad population of people just trying to get me locked up! Gaah! Will this ever end?)
However, there seems to be some sort of light at the end of the tunnel.
Or perhaps am simply hallucinating (again!)
Or perhaps am seeing alien spaceship ready to whizz me away and ordain me ultimate leader of their planet!
Someone call my therapist!
Along the lines of my favourite poem (aka If by Rudyard Kipling)
If you can keep your head when all about
you Are losing theirs and blaming it on you
If only I could, dear Rudyard, if only I could indeed.... It would open up my world to a whole new realm of if-then possibilities.
On a more positive note, which is the traditional formulaic way in which all fairy tales end, appear to have re-discovered infinite pleasure of blogging! (Verging on the addiction, once again - have I got no sense of balance at ALL???) Sigh!
Monday, December 05, 2005
Transferece
"...is a kind of relationship illusion. It occurs easily and effortlessly when we first meet someone and try to form an understanding of who they are based on first impressions. It is an unconscious process, in that it occurs without effort, and does not announce itself. You only know it has happened when the person you thought you had a handle on goes and does something completely unexpected." From http://mentalhelp.net/
I came across this interesting excerpt after googling 'Help' and following the first search result. (I didn't hit the I-Feel-Lucky button because I don't feel lucky, and if I did feel lucky karma/the universe/God would help me naturally, so I wouldn't need help!)
I think that this definition of transference is v true! Hence it follows... do we ever really know people? And to delve deeper... do we ever really know ourselves?
HELP!
Someone, anyone. Call the Zen Master!
Help me.
Help yourself.
Heal the planet.
Give me a God damn break!
Thursday, November 17, 2005
Ifs, Ands and But(t)s
If only something would go right! The great premise of my life. The one caveat I can never draft into my contracts. Does that sound so unreasonable? Believe me, at the moment it is.
And unfortunately I am wearing non-water proof mascara, so I can't even pretend to go to the loo and have a little cry session. (And yes I know, I started the previous sentence, as well as this aside with an 'and', breaking the rules of countless writing style guides written for people who couldn't recognise style even if it was staring them in the face and bit them in the arse! Call it blatant defiance - it is!)
Goodnessgraciousme. What to do now?
Now?
What?
Feeling as though am walking on a tightrope. (And not for the first time.)
But fortunately (defying style guides, once again - see!) love wearing high heels (although clearly do not need them, as am tall and have great posture!) Problem is that I have no sense of balance. Not physically, emotionally, mentally, etc. Am always dashing between the extremes. Aristotle's words are water off my back.
Tightrope? Pleaaaaase. I can handle it.
No I cannot. Want a puppy (rottweiler or golden Labrador, depending on my mood.) Want to go home and crawl under the duvet with a case of Moet which I will have to sleep off in manner of comatose patient!
Puppy / home / duvet / Moet all impossibly unavailable to me. Am therefore going to surf the net as a temporary displacement activity.
Back. Diga'!?!
Oooh! Will check self's email. Perhaps have received email from BeeW (Bruce Willis, as he is known to his fans!)
Back again. No email from Bruce / Beno / God. No one.
Gaaah! Perhaps should call Zen Master?
No.
Will handle mini-crisis on my own. Perhaps will employ evasive tactics. Yes. Surely that's a great plan. Mela, after I getouttahere will go shopping as Dear-Lord-In-Heaven-Above (aka DLIHA) there must (and I mean MUST) be something good out there to buy. A new pair of shoes – definitely! And a matching bag – ditto. And a new notebook to start yet another project.
See… Shopping! Yippee! Feeling better already!
Wednesday, September 14, 2005
And then I had a (not so) little drink…
Note (1): I know that this post is well overdue. It's way much more overdue than my credit card payment, actually! Which (sneaky suspicion creeping up...) may be why the bank manager's got a contract out on my head! Overdue it is. And (modesty apart.... ppppfft!) I think it's worth it! (Said in manner of a certain supermodel in the ad campaign of certain hair products...)
Note (2): Some background on this post (you're gonna need it so keep reading): Since I cannot, for the sake of me moblog (Why dear God, why? WHY?), I have written the following post as an SMS on my mobile and saving it as a draft. (There I am manipulating technology to suit ME! My plans for world domination may be realised after all! Ha ha ha! (Ominously. Then, teeeee heeeee! in fits of hysterical outbreak which are likely to land me at the farm!)
Note (3): This is a long post. Not boring, but voluminous - sounds better, like saying not fat, but voluptuous. What I mean is, get some snacks and beverages ready (lo fat AND lo cal if you’re voluptuous), we don’t want you withering away in front of your computer!
- Opens mobile and is about to start typing new message.
Hang on, waitress is coming and absolutely must have food as have drunk (vide title and await insane explanation to follow.)
- Bdejna bit-tajjeb. (Maltese for: So much for starting on the right foot.)
Am at a party. Alone. And I don't know anyone here, despite being in Malta. So am moblogging after a non functional fashion (ie saving my post as a draft SMS message on my mobile.) Very me – particularly the non functional part. Seen any loose cannons lately, anyone?
Is it possible that I know nobody at wedding in Malta ?
Yes. Contrary to popular, indeed perhaps also logical expectation, it is! ‘Bloody Marvellous’, to quote Uncle Benny in Lethal Weapon 4, who was also v inebriated when he said it! (Again, vide title!)
Hang on, good looking guy is passing! (V good looking? Or is he just average, but looking better due to the drink?)
- Lordy, lordy, lord!
Typical! Is with someone (female, tarty-looking broad. Poss his gf (girlfriend)? Obviously he has no taste in women. Or rather he does have taste but its v V baaaad! Eeek!)
Better start putting you dear readers in the picture, as I assume that you must be pretty confused by now.
- You and me both! Heqqq hmmmm... (sounds of choking, stifled laughter, gagging. Big banging sounds in background. Commotion ends abruptly.)
Came to pahtay alone as all men I know are: busy, abroad, coupled, gay, mad or missing in action (and they’d better pray that they ain’t found til I’m done raving and ranting). Brilliant! (Note bitter sarcasm in self's voice.) But had to come to the bash as it was a friend's plus I hadn't had the brains to give her the pressie earlier. (Me, being the genius that I am – NOT!)
Will take a moment of pause to gather self's so as to focus on the point of entire post.
- Moment of pause to gather self's thoughts broken by commotion. Getting louder and more rauchous. (There, have managed to use a word from my word-a-day-calendar. Although whether said word has been used correctly is another matter altogether.)
Gawd! Need food as am done for and poss totally smashed. Funny how when in desperate need, one becomes transparent to waiters!
- She meant to say invisible, not transparent. Chuh!
Aaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh!
- Loud crashing sound in background. What is it now! Did you have to scare me like that?
Maybe am dead and do not know it, in manner of Bruce Willis in The Sixth Sense. Ooops, nearly toppled over in stiletto heels, so am not dead (too undignified even for ghost to topple over in heels!) Phew!
Yesss, waitress coming my way with food. Of some sort, anyway. Cannot be choosy as am on the brink of an insane drunk episode, methinks. Better feed the alcohol demon by eating. Wonder whether finger food will keep the alcohol demon at bay. V doubtful but no harm in trying.
Awwwww! Just bit into smouldering feta cheese and gherkin fried-in-lipsmacking-batter thingy which has burnt self's mouth.
Double damn. Now need another drink to cool down! You see! This is how perfectly normal people unintentionally get drunk when having an episode, for which they are in no way to blame.
- Erm yes. She just wants another drink, doesn’t she now?
Yes. Need another drink! Need? Want? Pffaff! Yes, that and another cigarette. Shit.
- Oi. Watch your language you. A lady dressed in such a pretty number has no business with those words. And show some respect for your readers, will you?.
Pause. Self checks whether self’s superego is hitting on self (what the heck would that mean? Damn Freud!) / being too bossy / needs a lesson in NOT telling me how to behave in such a mess! Large fight ensues. Screams. Crockery (from where?) smashing. Sounds of sword-fight. People hanging off large wrought iron chandelier. Sound of chandeliers plummeting to the ground. Fall of chandelier broken by fictional being (i.e. self’s superego) previously swinging off it. Werewolf-like howling. Superego gives in and starts sobbing uncontrollably. Leaves self alone to be mollycoddled by Id.
On way to bar spot the only person I know in here (male specimen; IQ of an unstamped, empty, pictureless postcard; attractiveness negligible; human qualities unspecified.) Of course the only person I know would also be the only person on the planet who I do not want to speak to! Humph! Zen nil; Art of serendipity, five.
Engage in evasive tactics. Side step to get out of his line of sight. Damn! Have been intercepted. Where is Sun Zsu when you need the bugger?
“Hi ‘dahlinggg!” he makes a big deal of greeting me. I whinge, repulsed by what’s to come. The dreaded. The inevitable.
- Brace yourself.
Nooooo. Should I scream and make a run for it?
- No this is neither the time nor the place for it. Plus you’re wearing skyscraper stilettos. You’ll never make it out of here in one piece.
Ok. Being brave. Here goes.
“Mwaaaah! Mwaaah!”
His obligatory kisses on my cheek (which I make it perfectly clear will not be returned as am merely being gracious recipient of unwanted attention) last for three seconds. Three seconds too long.
“Lemme get you a drink, babe! What’re you having?”
Just let me say (possibly for the first time in my life) is thank the good heavens above for alcohol. We will gloss over the ‘babe’ thingy, so as not to cause specimen any grievous bodily harm / instant death.
The git returns with my drink of choice – the largest rum and cola in all of Christendom. Yesss! Am feeling v much like have been caught up in some serious BJ tragicomic incident, yet am ever so slightly less poised under pressure. Tee hee!. Really, just sipping at the drink. (Desperately wish was not dressed in pretty sleeveless dress, which A-lines down to the floor - so graceful, so flowing! Would be undignified to gulp at drink. Yes, definitely undignified. Therefore will have to have many many sips, in very very rapid machine-gun-bullet-peppering-style succession.)
“Hang on! That’s not who I think it is, is it?” he gasps as I cringe.
Can I possibly deal with another of his ilk? No, hell no!
- And for once, there we agree.
Bloody marvellous! Now shut up, you in my head. Must leave brain free to think a way out of this mess.
He saunters over to a girl, who reminds me terribly of Paris Hilton, although she looks nothing like her (which is clearly not to say that she looks bad.) The socialite we shall call her (because; a. that’s what she reminds me of and b. I couldn’t be bothered to remember her name) tries to engage in some type of conversation with me and the git.
But I have other plans for the girl. Does the word ‘decoy’ ring a bell? Whoooohoooo for Sun Tzu! (Said in manner of high-school cheerleader.)
I uttered a couple of ‘uh huh!s’ and ‘oh yesses’ in between life-saving sips of rum (the real dark one, mind you!) and cola. No sooner had my drink evaporated (really have no idea where it wound up. Is great mystery of Maya and Inca civilisation calibre! I offered to bring them drinks, which is exactly I made a dash to the open air area of the pahtay, mingling in with the crowd, in manner of uberspy infiltrating some hi risk poker players in a highly classified covert operation. (I will v possibly use this material for the next Bond, James Bond film – the remake of the Casino Royale…)
I went outside for another cigarette and decided that this episode was one for the blog! Which is where this post starts. Maybe the drink was too strong - no maybe about it. Suspicions verified by fact that I kept on mis-spelling words in my draft smses (this is my fifth) and having to re type them. V annoying.
And that’s how, in v zen like manner, things sorted themselves out. Better go make my way home in stealth-mode, before git comes looking for his drink or a trendy way to bum a cigarette!
Note (2): Some background on this post (you're gonna need it so keep reading): Since I cannot, for the sake of me moblog (Why dear God, why? WHY?), I have written the following post as an SMS on my mobile and saving it as a draft. (There I am manipulating technology to suit ME! My plans for world domination may be realised after all! Ha ha ha! (Ominously. Then, teeeee heeeee! in fits of hysterical outbreak which are likely to land me at the farm!)
Note (3): This is a long post. Not boring, but voluminous - sounds better, like saying not fat, but voluptuous. What I mean is, get some snacks and beverages ready (lo fat AND lo cal if you’re voluptuous), we don’t want you withering away in front of your computer!
- Opens mobile and is about to start typing new message.
Hang on, waitress is coming and absolutely must have food as have drunk (vide title and await insane explanation to follow.)
- Bdejna bit-tajjeb. (Maltese for: So much for starting on the right foot.)
Am at a party. Alone. And I don't know anyone here, despite being in Malta. So am moblogging after a non functional fashion (ie saving my post as a draft SMS message on my mobile.) Very me – particularly the non functional part. Seen any loose cannons lately, anyone?
Is it possible that I know nobody at wedding in Malta ?
Yes. Contrary to popular, indeed perhaps also logical expectation, it is! ‘Bloody Marvellous’, to quote Uncle Benny in Lethal Weapon 4, who was also v inebriated when he said it! (Again, vide title!)
Hang on, good looking guy is passing! (V good looking? Or is he just average, but looking better due to the drink?)
- Lordy, lordy, lord!
Typical! Is with someone (female, tarty-looking broad. Poss his gf (girlfriend)? Obviously he has no taste in women. Or rather he does have taste but its v V baaaad! Eeek!)
Better start putting you dear readers in the picture, as I assume that you must be pretty confused by now.
- You and me both! Heqqq hmmmm... (sounds of choking, stifled laughter, gagging. Big banging sounds in background. Commotion ends abruptly.)
Came to pahtay alone as all men I know are: busy, abroad, coupled, gay, mad or missing in action (and they’d better pray that they ain’t found til I’m done raving and ranting). Brilliant! (Note bitter sarcasm in self's voice.) But had to come to the bash as it was a friend's plus I hadn't had the brains to give her the pressie earlier. (Me, being the genius that I am – NOT!)
Will take a moment of pause to gather self's so as to focus on the point of entire post.
- Moment of pause to gather self's thoughts broken by commotion. Getting louder and more rauchous. (There, have managed to use a word from my word-a-day-calendar. Although whether said word has been used correctly is another matter altogether.)
Gawd! Need food as am done for and poss totally smashed. Funny how when in desperate need, one becomes transparent to waiters!
- She meant to say invisible, not transparent. Chuh!
Aaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh!
- Loud crashing sound in background. What is it now! Did you have to scare me like that?
Maybe am dead and do not know it, in manner of Bruce Willis in The Sixth Sense. Ooops, nearly toppled over in stiletto heels, so am not dead (too undignified even for ghost to topple over in heels!) Phew!
Yesss, waitress coming my way with food. Of some sort, anyway. Cannot be choosy as am on the brink of an insane drunk episode, methinks. Better feed the alcohol demon by eating. Wonder whether finger food will keep the alcohol demon at bay. V doubtful but no harm in trying.
Awwwww! Just bit into smouldering feta cheese and gherkin fried-in-lipsmacking-batter thingy which has burnt self's mouth.
Double damn. Now need another drink to cool down! You see! This is how perfectly normal people unintentionally get drunk when having an episode, for which they are in no way to blame.
- Erm yes. She just wants another drink, doesn’t she now?
Yes. Need another drink! Need? Want? Pffaff! Yes, that and another cigarette. Shit.
- Oi. Watch your language you. A lady dressed in such a pretty number has no business with those words. And show some respect for your readers, will you?.
Pause. Self checks whether self’s superego is hitting on self (what the heck would that mean? Damn Freud!) / being too bossy / needs a lesson in NOT telling me how to behave in such a mess! Large fight ensues. Screams. Crockery (from where?) smashing. Sounds of sword-fight. People hanging off large wrought iron chandelier. Sound of chandeliers plummeting to the ground. Fall of chandelier broken by fictional being (i.e. self’s superego) previously swinging off it. Werewolf-like howling. Superego gives in and starts sobbing uncontrollably. Leaves self alone to be mollycoddled by Id.
On way to bar spot the only person I know in here (male specimen; IQ of an unstamped, empty, pictureless postcard; attractiveness negligible; human qualities unspecified.) Of course the only person I know would also be the only person on the planet who I do not want to speak to! Humph! Zen nil; Art of serendipity, five.
Engage in evasive tactics. Side step to get out of his line of sight. Damn! Have been intercepted. Where is Sun Zsu when you need the bugger?
“Hi ‘dahlinggg!” he makes a big deal of greeting me. I whinge, repulsed by what’s to come. The dreaded. The inevitable.
- Brace yourself.
Nooooo. Should I scream and make a run for it?
- No this is neither the time nor the place for it. Plus you’re wearing skyscraper stilettos. You’ll never make it out of here in one piece.
Ok. Being brave. Here goes.
“Mwaaaah! Mwaaah!”
His obligatory kisses on my cheek (which I make it perfectly clear will not be returned as am merely being gracious recipient of unwanted attention) last for three seconds. Three seconds too long.
“Lemme get you a drink, babe! What’re you having?”
Just let me say (possibly for the first time in my life) is thank the good heavens above for alcohol. We will gloss over the ‘babe’ thingy, so as not to cause specimen any grievous bodily harm / instant death.
The git returns with my drink of choice – the largest rum and cola in all of Christendom. Yesss! Am feeling v much like have been caught up in some serious BJ tragicomic incident, yet am ever so slightly less poised under pressure. Tee hee!. Really, just sipping at the drink. (Desperately wish was not dressed in pretty sleeveless dress, which A-lines down to the floor - so graceful, so flowing! Would be undignified to gulp at drink. Yes, definitely undignified. Therefore will have to have many many sips, in very very rapid machine-gun-bullet-peppering-style succession.)
“Hang on! That’s not who I think it is, is it?” he gasps as I cringe.
Can I possibly deal with another of his ilk? No, hell no!
- And for once, there we agree.
Bloody marvellous! Now shut up, you in my head. Must leave brain free to think a way out of this mess.
He saunters over to a girl, who reminds me terribly of Paris Hilton, although she looks nothing like her (which is clearly not to say that she looks bad.) The socialite we shall call her (because; a. that’s what she reminds me of and b. I couldn’t be bothered to remember her name) tries to engage in some type of conversation with me and the git.
But I have other plans for the girl. Does the word ‘decoy’ ring a bell? Whoooohoooo for Sun Tzu! (Said in manner of high-school cheerleader.)
I uttered a couple of ‘uh huh!s’ and ‘oh yesses’ in between life-saving sips of rum (the real dark one, mind you!) and cola. No sooner had my drink evaporated (really have no idea where it wound up. Is great mystery of Maya and Inca civilisation calibre! I offered to bring them drinks, which is exactly I made a dash to the open air area of the pahtay, mingling in with the crowd, in manner of uberspy infiltrating some hi risk poker players in a highly classified covert operation. (I will v possibly use this material for the next Bond, James Bond film – the remake of the Casino Royale…)
I went outside for another cigarette and decided that this episode was one for the blog! Which is where this post starts. Maybe the drink was too strong - no maybe about it. Suspicions verified by fact that I kept on mis-spelling words in my draft smses (this is my fifth) and having to re type them. V annoying.
And that’s how, in v zen like manner, things sorted themselves out. Better go make my way home in stealth-mode, before git comes looking for his drink or a trendy way to bum a cigarette!
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