Nah! Let’s be honest. I wasn’t exactly wandering. You know that as well as I do! It was more like I was working very hard on my retail-therapy. (The first step when it comes to overcoming a serious problem like shopping is certainly admitting it, or so I am told.) Ergo I’m on the right track to healing my need to shop until I drop – fabulous! Which means that today after work, I’m going to reward my efforts by buying those gorgeous sexy red stilettos! Then of, course I’ll need a bag and possibly a belt to go with them…
Hmmm. Have just re-read the previous sentence. Do I hear that little eerie high pitched voice in my head (i.e. my conscience – as opposed to a psychotic manifestation) screech ‘counter-productive’? The words reverberate in my head as though trailing out of a damp hollow cave into a bright sunny day. Yes, indeed. I see how that can make sense. (Again another admission! I am improving at every step!) Better put my conscience on mute then! You see – I am a practical person after all! He he he!
Right, back to my shop-your-problems-away quest. (Here I am - calling a spade a spade!) I was in quite a good mood, feeling very at one with the world. Wafting on a pure white cloud of harmony. Able to make allowances for inconsiderate people who bump into you because they are talking on the phone, busy searching for something which sunk to the pitless bottom of their handbags, or plain confused. Smiling graciously (in manner of Princess Grace of Monaco – obviously prior to her tragic death) when some inane pedestrian crosses my path and when forced to choose between maintaining course on MY trajectory or backing away gently, without making any fast movements, chose the latter, etc. I could sense it in the very crisp, hair-lashing windy air that this was going to be all very Zen-like. Yes. The flow was leading towards a satisfactory shopping expedition.
Zen and the art of shopping.
I was casually glancing around. Just switching from the diverse images which presented themselves in front of me, waiting for a sign, a magnetic pull from an object which just beckons my attention and subsequent purchase. I was casting my eyes looking for the next addition to my wardrobe…
And then….
Gaah!
The sheer memory of the harrowing sight almost turns my stomach. In fact, it was so horrible that the mere memory of it is, in its very own right, a traumatic experience!
I happened to glance away from the shopping windows, which I was passing by (and that perhaps was my first and most monumental mistake. Everyone knows that once the shopping gods are smiling down upon you, you should NEVER shun their loving interest by being more interested in where you’re going as opposed to what’s in the shop window! I mean, the shopping gods are clearly very touchy and sensitive and Diva-ish beings!)
Anyway, the thing which imposed itself most intrudingly on my would-be-perfect day was a fifty-something, garish, over-made up loud women. She was there, just walking a few metres ahead of me, wearing….
Gasp!
…a faux cow-print three quarters jacket, leopard print trousers AND (I am not joking or exaggerating… really!) tiger print boots!!!
My head was spinning, my stomach churning, and my knees were giving way. I took a deep breath and pulled a one-eighty turning back on the spot, thankfully not crashing into the people who were walking behind me, as I spun round full-swing! My shopping was going to be ruined… that image was going to be framed, super-glued stuck in my mind for quite a while so there was no point in trying to buy anything, because all I would be thinking about would have been that faux fur nightmare.
Ok so animal prints are all the rage – whether you like them or not, let’s just hope that it’s the faux fur which people are going for! Ok so Angelina Jolie looks really alluring in her leopard skin knee-length coat. But that’s just Angelina Jolie. I mean, the girl could look good dressed in a garbage bag and wearing a paper bag on her head, for the love of Gucci!
My one and only comment to this atrocity is: When dealing with faux fur or anything wildly over the top, kindly follow the embarrassment-sparing rules listed below for you perusal:
- Get a mirror!
- Get a clue!
- Just say NO to mixing different prints / fur types!
- When in doubt e-mail me!
- If I am unavailable, kindly refer to Rule 1.
N
