Je ne sais pas!

I am still here….

Actually I don’t know whether that’s a good thing or not. But it’s a fact. A truth. (Now I’m starting the whole ‘is-the-truth –relative?’ diatribe in my head, which is already unhealthily perched on the precipice of an explosive end!)

Ok… am trying to regroup. Feeling a little confused. Ok maybe more than a little. I guess that this is what danger lies behind a woman contemplating, life – hers or otherwise! Even worse when the only answer to questions is ‘buqq… dunno.’ Yep, as in je ne sais pas!

And answers... they are so elusive! (But why am I so arrogant to believe that I can answer universal questions which have plagued the mighty brains of Aristotle, and the like?)

GAAAAH! am getting too frustrated even thinking about all this again! There was a point to this post (for a change!)... I'm sure of that!

Oooh! Yes… I forgot. In between asking questions (i.e. Why? Why ME? Trust me - not good…) and hunting down answers which are as fleeting as ghosts I have been:

- Totally neglecting Project 1 – so I am going to have to make up for it by staying at home this weekend, and the next, and the next, ad nauseum. Bummer.

- Reading like mad - finished Hemmingway’s For Whom the Bell Tolls, Helen Fielding’s Olivia Joules and the Overactive Imagination, and Anna Maxted’s Behaving Like Adults. (I know… don’t say anything… the term escapism is screeching in my ears, like nine inch nails grating across a blackboard!)

- Working with some steam on Project 2, although I am not entirely satisfied with it, I think that this month will put an impressive mark (in manner of epiphanicial catalyst) on this project. Tell you more at a later stage. (Although, also blatant escapism – perhaps escapissim? Hmmm.)

- Project 3 is back on track after a disasterous spell! Why do I need all the answers, to everything? Perhaps I am just a girl. A girl with a blog.

Daqshekk! Am going to make some calming green tea …

Emergency

I have recently been writing poetry with more frequency and intensity. I have dabbled with free verse for a number of years, much like a blind man would dabble with oils on canvas. But following my haiku stint, which is still going strong, i have taken up free verse with some more vigour.

Today, I am in a very weird, almost perturbed mood, and I wrote this:


Emergency

In solitude,
I need
the edge,
wild and dangerous,
and alive.

A life
of trysts
and
adventures
haunts my dreams
in wake
and
sleep.

Clutching
at my desk,
to survive
the mundane
trying to be
calm.

Useless bloody mantras.

Feigning
calm,
contained
anger
bubbles and boils
and
boils bubbles
in the ulcer-pierced
cauldron
of my
stomach.

I want out!

‘Excuse me, sir.
Which way’s the exit?
Tell me, please,
please
tell me
now.

This is an emergency!’



Fortunately I am meeting a friend for coffee, so that should sort out the sullen mood!

Gozo weekend break… finally!

This weekend was a total blast! Went to Gozo with Lars and Er. Woke up at bloody 7 am on a Saturday to catch the 9 am ferry (‘to make the best of it!’ as Lars in her “infinite wisdom”, put it…) but it was totally worth it!

Spent the weekend mostly reading, listening to Asian fusion tunes, partying and relaxing in the triple room of a 4-star hotel in Marsalforn. We also managed to get some exercise done as we went swimming (obviously in the hotel’s indoor pool, which wasn’t half as warm as I was hoping…) Saturday evening, after going for a pizza in Xlendi, the girls and I went to this club called XS where DJs Pierre Cordina and Carlo Borg Bonaci were mixing the decks, and we had a good, albeit somewhat baffling time! A couple of Gozitan specimen of the male sex tried to pick us up – as we gathered, after much mindboggling linguistic deconstruction, as we couldn’t understand what they were saying… They have a v strong accent there… ho hmmm.

We spent lots of time driving round Malta’s sister island, which is untainted by excessive over-urbanisation, traffic hell, etc. We managed to get lost a couple of times along our ‘road trip’ (I know it’s probably impossible for anyone to get lost in Gozo… it’s so small…)

Sunday we went to Dwejra for ice-cream, and started making our way to the Mgarr Harbour. When Er pulled the pre-paid return tickets our of my car's glovecompartment, we discovered that the liquid air freshener, which I had detached from the car fan (due to Er's asthma) had leaked all over the tickets! Gaaah! Fortunately the barcodes were still legible and after some explaining to the booth attendant and lots of embarrassed / hysterical giggling we managed to get through! By the time we got back home on Sunday afternoon, we were too tired to do much of anything!

I soooo needed a break… But it’s Monday again… Oh well!

Making deadlines!

Firstly: Ooops sorry...was meant to post yesterday, but I got caught up with one of my other projects and was totally wiped out with the reilief that... (Drum roll please!)

Yesss... yesss... yesss! I met the deadline - project 1 part 1 on time!

AND am quite satisfied with the outcome, if I dare say so myself (and I do!) Am I good or am I good? (No, it't NOT a typo - it's a trick question! He he! Gotcha!)

So yes... I'm estatic, la vie - ah! c'est marveillieuse!

Am regaining control of my life again! Tonight am going out to celebrate with JackieChan (NOT the moviestar BUT one of my best friends EVER), who also has some great work-releated news to celebrate!

And talking about celebrating, Lars and Er have already warned me to prepare for a weekend of total pampering and bliss in Gozo! Aaaah! Probably all three of us (although obviously NOT together!) will get back massages by some Norwegian deity-lookalike massus, possibly called Hans, with piercing blue eyes and blond hair, and bulging biceps...

Hmmm... will take a moment (or two... or possibly longer.... ho hum) to visualise said image...

Right... am back!

As I was saying, Lars, Er and I are going to spend the weekend getting facials, and being fabulous and elegant and blissful at the spa of a super sleek hotel in Gozo. Much in the manner of a diva, recouping from post-Oscar celebrations. Only none of us are divas (...yet! Although we sometimes behave as though we are!) And our invites to the Oscars and post-Oscar bashes have been, erm... lost in the mail, shall we say?

In addition, yesterday I had some major writing breakthroughs, which I hope to polish (possilbly this weekend at the spa!) and post... so all you smart dolls and guys out there can let me know what you think!