Police Psychology?

She nodded slowly. 'And during the day. I can't seem to
erase it.'

'So don't try. Just file it away, that's all you
can do. Admit it to yourself, it happened, you were there, then file it
away. You won't forget it, but you won't harp on it
either.'

'Police psychology?'

'Common sense, hard learnt...'

Taken from Ian Rankin's bestseller 'Mortal Causes'

Let's just say i've done a stint in the funny farm... of the metaphorical sort, of course. They'd never have let me out of the real one, would they, now?

Well, I have returned enlightened and obsessed. Explanation follows hereafter.

Enlightenment: See above quote. It's about zen. About keeping the baggage and letting go at once. Living the experience and savouring it but not letting it carry you away. Basically, either Ian Rankin's a genius with insight, or else I'm seeing things... again (sic!) Reading too much into things and all.

Obsession: Not of the Calvin Klein variety. But with the reading too much business. Really, am beginning to believe that I've really been going overboard with the books. Have devoured eight of Ian Rankin's seventeen Rebus novels in just over a month. Basically, have turned into a heremit. When am not slaving at work, typing frantically over a keyboard and mooning over files and piles of paper, am reading like mad. Like mad! It's exhilarating. His plot is fantastic, his characters are real and flawed, and his humour bites! Plus, am in lurve with Rebus. (Sorry, have traded in Colonel Brandon from Sense and Sensibility with this bittersweet Scottish detective.) Sigh!

Moblogging test

Since have become addicted to surfing the web and checking my email
via my mobile am now attempting to moblog from paradise! Only thing is
that have messed up my t 9 setting and this is taking forever!!! Let
me know if this works by dropping me an email .

Pics of the latest business trip

Too tired to do much of anything.

Too restless to go to bed at 11 pm on the eve of a public holiday.

Plus keep dreaming about being stuck in prison, while my 'negoitator' (whose side is he on???) tries to convince my would-be captors that I'm worth a heck of a lot less than 30 goats, one milking cow and a camel (the latter thrown in, just for shits and giggles, as it were...) Weird, I know!

Welcome to the world of jetlag. I am your host here!

Decided to post some pics here about my most recent trip to the Med.

Several flight delays, crossed connections and turbulence and I arrived at destination 1. Work took me to a lush gala night atop a pontoon - see pic. (No need for jokes, here... I didn't trip over in my heels and go splash into the water... well, only because a good-looking fellow business-tripper was there to catch me in time... French guys are such gentlemen!) I could soooo live this life!











Work appointments at destination 2 were busy and hectic, (but thankfully very fruitful... as opposed to fruity) so decided to haunt a very VERY Zen bar (pic above), which was totally fabulous and served my very favourite Mojitos!!! The haunt was so zen that just the thought of it... makes my eyes turn misty blue? Nah, but it does make me want to read Siddharta all over again, and Zen and the Art of motorcycle maintenace...

Finally, I managed to find the time to relax a little by the pool; which was a v good idea! And yes... those are my pedicured toes at the bottom of the pic, he he he! Just in case you were wondering...

And still not willing to go to sleep, I now realise that am just in time for SATC (Sex and the City for the unitiated few who must've been located somewhere on planet Zonk without satellite TV for the past few years!)

Then will go get ready for the next business trip... I take off in a few days again!

Where Am I Now?

Those of you who have been regular readers of MaltaToday since it's inception, might recall a very entertaining column entitled 'Where are they now?' Tongue lodged firmly in cheek, I am posting what is possibly the first auto-biographical sarcastic interview... EVER. (Drum rolls please!) This post is dedicated to said column and its author. By the way, does anyone know why they stopped running the column???

Name: Nina78
No, we meant actual name: You wish! Prefer to hide under safe womb-like protection duvet of nome de plume. Also, cannot possibly handle chance of some people taking a contract out on my head.

Gender: Female, duh! (just take a look at the staggering amount of shoes, accessories, bags and clothes in subject's possession.)

Age: It's NOT appropriate to ask a lady that!
Age: Ask nicely.
Age, pretty please: 27. I know I don't look it (or act like it!) but it's true.

Last time you checked the meaning of modesty in the dictionary: Oh shut up! I.AM.NOT.TALKING.TO.YOU.

Most remarkable features: Wit, sense of humour and hearing voices of my head.

Were you paying attention to the previous question?

Favourite action hero: Batman.

Mission in life: World domination.

Appearance: Stylish and high-maintenance. Slightly hungover, but ONLY this morning!

Will never: Eat at fast-food chains.

Who's coming over for supper tonight: Supper, do I look like I have time for supper? Or the will to eat?

Where am I now?
Temporal-spatial dimension of self, currently unknown. Have been globe-trotting in manner of jet setting mogul (only NOT in first class!) for work-related purposes. Am jet-lagged and pathetically trying to catch up with humungous list of things-to-do. (Listing obsession reaching dramatic proportions now.) Too busy to bother with mess-state of self's life (which perhaps is a very good thing.) Also due to all this travelling have felt incontrollable urge to spend at airports and have also managed to squeeze in some frantic shopping under the buy-all-you-can-due-to-little-time-for-shopping-while-on-business-trip syndrome. As a result, ams now scared of checking bank balance as self's MasterCard is still hot from usage at various EPOS machines across Europe. Financial doom imminent. Possibly self is also still too drunk from last night to know / care about location! Gaah!

(Sound of head throbbing. Padumph. Padumph. Pa-da-dum. DUM.)

Where are you going?
Do I look like I know? Seriously! Do you mean where are you going, as in what are you planning to do with your life? That's a good question. One which requires serious reflection - perhaps I can jot down some ideas while I'm travelling on a plane (unless I have to catch up on work or something!)

No. What location will you be visiting next?
Oh, that!

(Sigh of total and utter boredom escapes self's lips.)

So?
Oh right. You're expecting a sensible answer.

(Sound of torch-light going on and rummaging of self searching for sense and its defunct cousin: sensible answer, in bottomless pit of new tote.)

Am attending a conference somewhere in the Med.

Sigh. (In resignation.)

New outlook on life (sic!)

Yes, well as you can see I have changed (rather drastically - but that's me!) my blog template, as well as a number of other things in life.

Read: A change will do you good! (cf: Cheryl Crow)

Hmmm... Not so sure about the 'doing me good' bit about change. But at least it's something, no?

Am trying to make sense of a number of nonsensical happennings that have been going on at this end of the keyboard, but to no avail. (sic! what else is new?) In an attempt to clarify intense confusion that has gripped self, i have come up with the list below. (Tsk!)

Some background here: I believe that when being in the eye of a hurricane-from-hell type storm it is always best to stay very still and do nothing. Do nothing, but think and rationalise your way out of the hurricane. And we all know that the best way to clarify your thoughts are via lists. (Says who? Dunno. Just go with it. Pleeeease!) This is, I believe, what people do when in the jungle / forest they chance upon a lion / bear. The notion is clearly to pretend that nothing is out of the ordinary, thereby fooling the wild beast (with big,BIG teeth nestled in a very,VERY strong jaw) into believing that there is need to attack. Meanwhile, the beast will just wander off back to its den allowing you to escape slowly, and without making any sudden movements.

Disclaimer: This theory has not as yet been scientifically proven and the author will take no responsibility for the consequences of following the 'plan' above.

Note: If you are reading this and considering taking the author's advice, kindly seek medical attention, or even better check yourself into the funny farm. The author and her 'advice' are never, EVER to be listened to. Failure to heed this note may (and let's face it, probably will) get you in no-end of trouble!

Back to MY list...

List has been complied with same attitude used by The Bride's in Kill Bill. (Note, I said attitude, as in: I am not determined to hack people but just to get to grips with certain 'issues'. Now, if only i could swathe a Hattori Hanzo blade like that... suspect that earth would be a much better place!) Humph!

Well, here goes...

List of things that are REALLY starting to bug me:
(not in order of aggravation or priority!)

1. Situation with BIG - impossible to explain due to flippant, fickle nature of situation itself.
2. Maybe even BIG (?) - which perhaps would be a good thing in manner of a sign that self is over it and has moved on. Hmmm. Perhaps this should be stricken from the list. But now that i typed it out and all... Naaaahhhh!
3. Other people's fuck-ups affecting self's life - hmmmm better not dwell too much on this. too aggravating.
4. Self's lack of commitment to self's self-imposed goals - also better not to dwell too much on this. too depressing.
5. Failure of self to fix things - should go to some cosmic DIY lessons.
6. Failure of Zen Master to fix things - cosmic DIY lessons to be taken from someone other than the Zen Master, perhaps. (However am aware that it is ALL MY FAULT. Despite my best efforts!)
7. Self's compulsive obsession to list things - this is getting really baaaaaaadddd now!

Any advice anyone, seriously.

Better specify here. Any GOOD advice, anyone.

Seriously!

Lights AND Doors

Note: Hung over from last nights 'excursion' with Lars and Er. We are all in our own separate ruts and since we seem to have reached the bottom of the barrel, we have sought solace in the bottom of wine bottles (white: Lars and Er) and Bacardi Cola (self.) So if this bit doesn't exactly make sense, blame it on the booze still in my system, this time!

Proverbial light at end of tunnel keeps flashing on and off, impishly blinding poor self as am immersed in a thick black ink placed which is punctured sporadically by floods of white light which blink on and off in manner of strobe at a rave. Since have never dropped e (in the words of my generation - sic! not my generation but the YOUNGER generation) cannot therefore possibly find this light freak show soothing in any manner, shape or psychedelic form.

You know how they say God never shuts one door without opening another.... The lights at the end of the tunnel continue to blink epileptically - though hopefully signalling impending opportunities coming my way, as my horo / horror-scope said - as opposed to signalling that they are regrettably on the blink! (In which Case: GAAAAHHHHH!) Well, in addition to blinking lights now also have to deal with added cacophony of doors slamming open and shut throughout said metaphorical tunnel as though were in the middle of bloody storm-draught from Alaska, Siberia or similar.

All is very confusing. Perhaps Zen Master is right (damn!) and life has no meaning (double damn!)
Also, perhaps efforts of people surrounding self have come to fruition and self has finally conceded into insanity. (Can almost hear men in white coats approaching the door!)

Gaah!

Laughing hysterically, which was pretty much what we did last night, ALL night: Ha ha, ha ha, ha ha HA!

Have therefore given up making sense of anything (again, sic!) and have done the only sane thing to do under the circumstances - severe retail therapy. (Read: shopping in three countries within the span of 24 hours.) It works wonders in manner of displacement activity (believe me, I'm an expert on the matter.)

Also have read Marian Keyes Under the Duvet (as a run up to the gift which Lars and Er gave me - Further Under the Duvet) AND Lauren Weiseberger's Everyone Worth Knowing.

Great progress, therefore. Think that am holding up pretty well under the circumstances. Obviously this will all change when I get my credit card bill and the inevitable note officially informing me that the bank has put a contract out on my head, as it were. (And who can blame them?) Will be / am in BIG trouble again!

Sound of doors slamming as self walks through proverbial tunnel. Now running madly into the flashing of lights which black out and flash back on with even greater intensity.

Gaah!

Repeat mantra du jour at will:

It all works out in the end. Nobody knows how –
but it always does.

(From the film Shakespeare in Love)

From Brrrrrusselzzz

On a work trip in Brussels...

Am writing from an AZERTY keyboard (as opposed to a QWERTY, which is clearly what all human beings are used to!) So I keep on typing q instead of a, a colon instead of the letter m and funny symbols instead of numbers, etc. (Am just clarifying that all typos - and there will be many are due to the freak nature of this keyboard as opposed to my lack of familiarity with the English language or excess alcohol consumed due to the freezing cold here!)

Managed to find an Internet cafe pretty close to my hotel so do not need to freeze my butt off for too long in order to blog. Obviously freezing self s (sorry, but cannot find the apostrophe for the life of me) butt off would be appealing in manner of fad diet which promises to loose a stone in two hours AND actually delivers! However, am working on developing realistic expectations from life. Yeah, right!

FYI Over the past five minutes have hqd - I mean HAD - to correct like a million bloody typos.... bloody, bloody keyboqrd! Will take a minute here to throw well deserved and long-overdue hissy fit! GAAAAAH§

Al is coincidentally also here on work, so am planning to meet up with him for dinner, as we very often do back home.

Well, regards to all of you and a very happy valentine s day to all!

Am now going to my hotel room, where the ever so thoughful management has left me utterly delicious belgiqn-melt-in-your-mouth chocs to commemorate Cupid s day! Yessss!

Back to ifs!

Shall I bother with apologies? Is it even the case? Need I tell you that I have been meaning to write for some time (understatement of the baby-new year!) but alas, I have not managed to get down to it!

Sometimes I think that I am the only sane person left in the world and that the entire population of our dingy planet is trying to drive me bananas. So I guess that you can imagine that things are pretty hectic and intense (which I am somewhat partial to - the intense part, that is - definitely NOT the hectic!)

I have been terribly busy getting on with my life, dealing with the crises that it entails, getting one of my dear darling baby projects stamped with 'rejection', trying to detect who on earth is sending me weird text messages and generally keeping the world spinning safely on its axis and preventing it from spiralling desparately into oblivion, which is precisely the world's natural enthropic tendency. THIS is what I have been up to (or at least that what it feels like!)

You would think that I've received my nomination for the next Nobel prize in the post, just today, but quizzically enough nobody from the Nobel board / commission has contacted me yet... Must look into this. Perhaps will be a late entry. Yes, that's it a surprise-last-minute nominations that bags the prize. The underdog that gets its day! Also, I hear that some serious cash is simply handed out along with the prestige, and I could seriously do with that (both cash and prestige, although need for cash has become more pronounced in order to escape hounding mad population of people just trying to get me locked up! Gaah! Will this ever end?)

However, there seems to be some sort of light at the end of the tunnel.

Or perhaps am simply hallucinating (again!)

Or perhaps am seeing alien spaceship ready to whizz me away and ordain me ultimate leader of their planet!

Someone call my therapist!

Along the lines of my favourite poem (aka If by Rudyard Kipling)

If you can keep your head when all about
you Are losing theirs and blaming it on you

If only I could, dear Rudyard, if only I could indeed.... It would open up my world to a whole new realm of if-then possibilities.

On a more positive note, which is the traditional formulaic way in which all fairy tales end, appear to have re-discovered infinite pleasure of blogging! (Verging on the addiction, once again - have I got no sense of balance at ALL???) Sigh!