What now?

Have been away for some time. *some* might be an ever so slight understatement, in view of the fact that it's been a number of years. But as you might recall, I am rather time-flexible... Like Einstein I believe that time is relative... After all, great minds think alike, and all that! Although I have a slight inkling that this is not what his theory of relativity was about, exactly. But why bother with the details, when I have so much to tell?

Voice of sanity: Because the devil is in the detail, perhaps?

Self: oh do shut up! You are sooo pedantic!

What was I on about, in lieu of an apology to my readers? Ah yes... A long absence it has been, indeed. You might ask what I've been up to. Well, here's a quick recap of the most salient points...

Let's start with romance, just to please some of the gossips... During my absence I have gotten over and gotten rid of (although not in the mob way) Mr Big. I got tangled with Mr Even Bigger, the geek (sigh, don't we all have one in our past), the Captain (of a ship which was only slightly better off than the Titanic) and the (wannabe) Alpha. They have been a handful. And fortunately my memory isn't my forte, so all has been forgiven or forgotten or whatever. It's been over five years guys, so before you start raising your eyebrows at me, yes, I did date. And have made some unsavory choices, admittedly. However, this has been a learning process and am not going to make the same mistakes again. And i don't mean that in the new year's resolution kind of way!!!

No, have not settled down with nice sensible man and gotten married. Erm, didn't you read the above or any of my previous posts, over the years? Still no Mr Darcy.

Have also not been kidnapped by aliens, wanting to return me to the mothership!

Managed to escape the men in white coats, together with the ravages of time (the latter thanks to a vigorous beauty regime, healthier lifestyle and some pretty expensive creams.)

Have not been hunted down by bank manager (who incidentally has now taken a not-so-legal-contract out on my head. The cheek of the man... After single-handedly creating the global recession, well practically.). However, I did have few close calls. Phew, can that fellow run despite his short stubbly legs and pot belly. I thought he would have dropped dead from shock when the bank approved the loan application for my flat!

Have spent the equivalent of eleven months stuck in traffic, three years working my butt off, and two years thinking (which, incidentally, I also do in my sleep!). Have taken up some new interests too... But must not give the game away so soon, as should save something for future posts!

More interestingly, I have also engaged the services of a butler. Yes... Keeping up with all the above and the housework, was simply too much. My job, social life and various interests take priority. And time is limited, too. Plus, Big was right about one thing... I am not made for the nitty gritty housework thingee. Enough excuses?

Voice of sanity: She needed a butler, she thought. This one is beyond help!

Self: Didn't you hear me when I said shut up, the first time round?

Yes, I now have a valet, who we shall call Jeeves. Needed some help with the chores around my flat so, voila...Jeeves. Although between you and me, am still at a loss as to exactly what I am paying him for. He is very smart and charming in an asexual sort of manner. Very stiff upper lip, all formalities, and all that. And he has these velvety white gloves.

Voice of sanity: a valet? For a flat? A VALET?? What will she do now, hire a zoologist to take care of her yellow rubber bath duck?

Self: SILENCE (said in echoing manner of Dumbledore during Hogwarts' assembly.)

Right, let's get it straight from the get go. Jeeves is not a significant other, nor is he a romantic or sexual partner. He is employed by self to take care of the cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping, household maintenance and what not. This is purely business, and clearly I am the boss!

However, for some reason I end up cleaning after him and mentally dueling him into letting me have MY way around MY house. Really. The things I have to put up with!

Must go as Jeeves is breathing down my neck, trying to discreetly (he thinks, but I will NOT be fooled) discover what I am up to!