Transferece

"...is a kind of relationship illusion. It occurs easily and effortlessly when we first meet someone and try to form an understanding of who they are based on first impressions. It is an unconscious process, in that it occurs without effort, and does not announce itself. You only know it has happened when the person you thought you had a handle on goes and does something completely unexpected." From http://mentalhelp.net/

I came across this interesting excerpt after googling 'Help' and following the first search result. (I didn't hit the I-Feel-Lucky button because I don't feel lucky, and if I did feel lucky karma/the universe/God would help me naturally, so I wouldn't need help!)

I think that this definition of transference is v true! Hence it follows... do we ever really know people? And to delve deeper... do we ever really know ourselves?

HELP!

Someone, anyone. Call the Zen Master!

Help me.

Help yourself.

Heal the planet.

Give me a God damn break!

Ifs, Ands and But(t)s

If only something would go right! The great premise of my life. The one caveat I can never draft into my contracts. Does that sound so unreasonable? Believe me, at the moment it is.

And unfortunately I am wearing non-water proof mascara, so I can't even pretend to go to the loo and have a little cry session. (And yes I know, I started the previous sentence, as well as this aside with an 'and', breaking the rules of countless writing style guides written for people who couldn't recognise style even if it was staring them in the face and bit them in the arse! Call it blatant defiance - it is!)

Goodnessgraciousme. What to do now?

Now?

What?

Feeling as though am walking on a tightrope. (And not for the first time.)

But fortunately (defying style guides, once again - see!) love wearing high heels (although clearly do not need them, as am tall and have great posture!) Problem is that I have no sense of balance. Not physically, emotionally, mentally, etc. Am always dashing between the extremes. Aristotle's words are water off my back.

Tightrope? Pleaaaaase. I can handle it.

No I cannot. Want a puppy (rottweiler or golden Labrador, depending on my mood.) Want to go home and crawl under the duvet with a case of Moet which I will have to sleep off in manner of comatose patient!

Puppy / home / duvet / Moet all impossibly unavailable to me. Am therefore going to surf the net as a temporary displacement activity.

Back. Diga'!?!

Oooh! Will check self's email. Perhaps have received email from BeeW (Bruce Willis, as he is known to his fans!)

Back again. No email from Bruce / Beno / God. No one.

Gaaah! Perhaps should call Zen Master?

No.

Will handle mini-crisis on my own. Perhaps will employ evasive tactics. Yes. Surely that's a great plan. Mela, after I getouttahere will go shopping as Dear-Lord-In-Heaven-Above (aka DLIHA) there must (and I mean MUST) be something good out there to buy. A new pair of shoes – definitely! And a matching bag – ditto. And a new notebook to start yet another project.

See… Shopping! Yippee! Feeling better already!

And then I had a (not so) little drink…

Note (1): I know that this post is well overdue. It's way much more overdue than my credit card payment, actually! Which (sneaky suspicion creeping up...) may be why the bank manager's got a contract out on my head! Overdue it is. And (modesty apart.... ppppfft!) I think it's worth it! (Said in manner of a certain supermodel in the ad campaign of certain hair products...)

Note (2): Some background on this post (you're gonna need it so keep reading): Since I cannot, for the sake of me moblog (Why dear God, why? WHY?), I have written the following post as an SMS on my mobile and saving it as a draft. (There I am manipulating technology to suit ME! My plans for world domination may be realised after all! Ha ha ha! (Ominously. Then, teeeee heeeee! in fits of hysterical outbreak which are likely to land me at the farm!)

Note (3): This is a long post. Not boring, but voluminous - sounds better, like saying not fat, but voluptuous. What I mean is, get some snacks and beverages ready (lo fat AND lo cal if you’re voluptuous), we don’t want you withering away in front of your computer!

- Opens mobile and is about to start typing new message.

Hang on, waitress is coming and absolutely must have food as have drunk (vide title and await insane explanation to follow.)

- Bdejna bit-tajjeb. (Maltese for: So much for starting on the right foot.)

Am at a party. Alone. And I don't know anyone here, despite being in Malta. So am moblogging after a non functional fashion (ie saving my post as a draft SMS message on my mobile.) Very me – particularly the non functional part. Seen any loose cannons lately, anyone?

Is it possible that I know nobody at wedding in Malta ?

Yes. Contrary to popular, indeed perhaps also logical expectation, it is! ‘Bloody Marvellous’, to quote Uncle Benny in Lethal Weapon 4, who was also v inebriated when he said it! (Again, vide title!)

Hang on, good looking guy is passing! (V good looking? Or is he just average, but looking better due to the drink?)

- Lordy, lordy, lord!

Typical! Is with someone (female, tarty-looking broad. Poss his gf (girlfriend)? Obviously he has no taste in women. Or rather he does have taste but its v V baaaad! Eeek!)

Better start putting you dear readers in the picture, as I assume that you must be pretty confused by now.

- You and me both! Heqqq hmmmm... (sounds of choking, stifled laughter, gagging. Big banging sounds in background. Commotion ends abruptly.)

Came to pahtay alone as all men I know are: busy, abroad, coupled, gay, mad or missing in action (and they’d better pray that they ain’t found til I’m done raving and ranting). Brilliant! (Note bitter sarcasm in self's voice.) But had to come to the bash as it was a friend's plus I hadn't had the brains to give her the pressie earlier. (Me, being the genius that I am – NOT!)

Will take a moment of pause to gather self's so as to focus on the point of entire post.

- Moment of pause to gather self's thoughts broken by commotion. Getting louder and more rauchous. (There, have managed to use a word from my word-a-day-calendar. Although whether said word has been used correctly is another matter altogether.)

Gawd! Need food as am done for and poss totally smashed. Funny how when in desperate need, one becomes transparent to waiters!

- She meant to say invisible, not transparent. Chuh!

Aaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh!

- Loud crashing sound in background. What is it now! Did you have to scare me like that?

Maybe am dead and do not know it, in manner of Bruce Willis in The Sixth Sense. Ooops, nearly toppled over in stiletto heels, so am not dead (too undignified even for ghost to topple over in heels!) Phew!

Yesss, waitress coming my way with food. Of some sort, anyway. Cannot be choosy as am on the brink of an insane drunk episode, methinks. Better feed the alcohol demon by eating. Wonder whether finger food will keep the alcohol demon at bay. V doubtful but no harm in trying.

Awwwww! Just bit into smouldering feta cheese and gherkin fried-in-lipsmacking-batter thingy which has burnt self's mouth.

Double damn. Now need another drink to cool down! You see! This is how perfectly normal people unintentionally get drunk when having an episode, for which they are in no way to blame.

- Erm yes. She just wants another drink, doesn’t she now?

Yes. Need another drink! Need? Want? Pffaff! Yes, that and another cigarette. Shit.

- Oi. Watch your language you. A lady dressed in such a pretty number has no business with those words. And show some respect for your readers, will you?.

Pause. Self checks whether self’s superego is hitting on self (what the heck would that mean? Damn Freud!) / being too bossy / needs a lesson in NOT telling me how to behave in such a mess! Large fight ensues. Screams. Crockery (from where?) smashing. Sounds of sword-fight. People hanging off large wrought iron chandelier. Sound of chandeliers plummeting to the ground. Fall of chandelier broken by fictional being (i.e. self’s superego) previously swinging off it. Werewolf-like howling. Superego gives in and starts sobbing uncontrollably. Leaves self alone to be mollycoddled by Id.

On way to bar spot the only person I know in here (male specimen; IQ of an unstamped, empty, pictureless postcard; attractiveness negligible; human qualities unspecified.) Of course the only person I know would also be the only person on the planet who I do not want to speak to! Humph! Zen nil; Art of serendipity, five.

Engage in evasive tactics. Side step to get out of his line of sight. Damn! Have been intercepted. Where is Sun Zsu when you need the bugger?

“Hi ‘dahlinggg!” he makes a big deal of greeting me. I whinge, repulsed by what’s to come. The dreaded. The inevitable.

- Brace yourself.

Nooooo. Should I scream and make a run for it?

- No this is neither the time nor the place for it. Plus you’re wearing skyscraper stilettos. You’ll never make it out of here in one piece.

Ok. Being brave. Here goes.

“Mwaaaah! Mwaaah!”

His obligatory kisses on my cheek (which I make it perfectly clear will not be returned as am merely being gracious recipient of unwanted attention) last for three seconds. Three seconds too long.

“Lemme get you a drink, babe! What’re you having?”

Just let me say (possibly for the first time in my life) is thank the good heavens above for alcohol. We will gloss over the ‘babe’ thingy, so as not to cause specimen any grievous bodily harm / instant death.

The git returns with my drink of choice – the largest rum and cola in all of Christendom. Yesss! Am feeling v much like have been caught up in some serious BJ tragicomic incident, yet am ever so slightly less poised under pressure. Tee hee!. Really, just sipping at the drink. (Desperately wish was not dressed in pretty sleeveless dress, which A-lines down to the floor - so graceful, so flowing! Would be undignified to gulp at drink. Yes, definitely undignified. Therefore will have to have many many sips, in very very rapid machine-gun-bullet-peppering-style succession.)

“Hang on! That’s not who I think it is, is it?” he gasps as I cringe.

Can I possibly deal with another of his ilk? No, hell no!

- And for once, there we agree.

Bloody marvellous! Now shut up, you in my head. Must leave brain free to think a way out of this mess.

He saunters over to a girl, who reminds me terribly of Paris Hilton, although she looks nothing like her (which is clearly not to say that she looks bad.) The socialite we shall call her (because; a. that’s what she reminds me of and b. I couldn’t be bothered to remember her name) tries to engage in some type of conversation with me and the git.

But I have other plans for the girl. Does the word ‘decoy’ ring a bell? Whoooohoooo for Sun Tzu! (Said in manner of high-school cheerleader.)

I uttered a couple of ‘uh huh!s’ and ‘oh yesses’ in between life-saving sips of rum (the real dark one, mind you!) and cola. No sooner had my drink evaporated (really have no idea where it wound up. Is great mystery of Maya and Inca civilisation calibre! I offered to bring them drinks, which is exactly I made a dash to the open air area of the pahtay, mingling in with the crowd, in manner of uberspy infiltrating some hi risk poker players in a highly classified covert operation. (I will v possibly use this material for the next Bond, James Bond film – the remake of the Casino Royale…)

I went outside for another cigarette and decided that this episode was one for the blog! Which is where this post starts. Maybe the drink was too strong - no maybe about it. Suspicions verified by fact that I kept on mis-spelling words in my draft smses (this is my fifth) and having to re type them. V annoying.

And that’s how, in v zen like manner, things sorted themselves out. Better go make my way home in stealth-mode, before git comes looking for his drink or a trendy way to bum a cigarette!

Gone in 60 hours

... not quite as fast as Randall 'Memphis' Raines, but it still managed to go from this
to this:

which turned into this:

and ultimately this:

And all in under 60 hours! I don't know how this happens, but i guess it must be magic! (sic!) Oh well! Oh well. Yes, that!

Look and work

No, I have not vanished into a big black hole in the ground / my wardrobe, been kidnapped, been transported to another planet, been transformed into a pencil! But thaks for your messages / emails!

This past month I have been clearly very busy. Which was good and not. Good - because I like getting things done and seeing (hopefully positive!) results. Bad - because I haven't been blogging. or doing some other stuff which i should've taken care of. you see, working towards something that you want to achieve isn't doing what you have to. Its doing what you have to, in order to get what you want. Follow me? Nevermind!

I have been working on getting a major project of mine off the ground and hopefully into the stratosphere - and believe me, you WILL be told the full details, if i ever manage to pull this one off successfully! Meanwhile, I have had lots of other stuff to work on, and as we know I am not a balanced person, so when multi-tasking (eeek! horrible hominus mechanicus type word) I tend to focus on the two or three most pressing tasks and ignore the rest. Until, the ignored task take their revenge by becoming urgent - in manner of a blog which has not been updated for almost a month.

Okay, okay. Damn conscience keeps nagging at me! How do I get rid of the thing!

Apart from working hard I have also been indulging in some serious searching and scouring. I have been hunting down:
1. Tracking down reason (Where on earth is it hiding lately? The weirdest things just keep on happening to me!)
2. Inspiration (It was hiding in my chest of drawers all this time!)
3. Meaning of life (the Zen Master's idea - just to put things into perspective...)
4. My tribal sun pendant (buried deep in my jacket pocket!)
5. The numbers to the Lm 400,000 super 5 draw (I guessed one number, so have improved since last time I played!)

Well I have been working so hard, that JC (who has also been working very hard on her own projects) and I have decided to go off on a weekend break. I cannot tell you how good that feels! There it is, it's out - A WEEKEND BREAK! No promises, (and even if I did promise, would you believe me?) as I don't know whether I'll find an internet cafe next to the hotel, BUT I will do my best to post at least once and I will take lots of pics to add to my Flickr album.

Honoured by an Honourable Mention! Yesss!

I was about to start working on a post about everything being same old, same old here. In fact I had already thought up the title: Nothing new on the Western Front - in a bid to make up for the fact that I've been a rather naughty girl and not blogged for a week! Did ya miss me? He he he! Then I surfed some sites which I visit regularly only to discover...

Drum rolls, please!
(To signify big event.)

Trumpets!
(To signify nobility of character, although perhaps not of bloodline.)

Confetti!
(Ideally pink. Cannot help this am a girl and am going through a Pink Phase, although perhaps not to the extent / magnitude of Picasso's Blue Phase. Ho Hum.)

SUBJECT: My previous post, Things that go swish in the night has earned me an honourable mention in Robert Micallef's Wired Temples Blog for July blog entries. Yesss!

Woooo! Hoooo! - said in manner of cheerleader whenever her boyfried-quarterback scores / hits a home run (or is that baseball?) Anyways, whatever they do in American football!)

Way back in January, Robert was also kind enough to feature my blog on Wired Temples which I also blogged about here!

As I was scrolling through my archives, I realised that I have been blogging for almost a year! I CANNOT believe this.

I think that this blog is possibly one of the few longish-term commitments which I look forward to keeping! (Use of the word 'longish' is newly coined here, though highly necessary particularly in view of Einstein's theory, time being relative, quantum physics, etc!) Hmmm... Makes you think, doesn't it? Perhaps I simply don't find other longish-term commitments so interesting!

Things that go swish in the night

START: The other night…

PAUSE: was it yesterday, the day before or last week? Can't remember for the life of me, but who cares? (Thank goodness don’t force my hand with the drink; I’m not even much of a teetotal – or I’d be killing way more brain cells than I can afford from the looks of it!) Bah! Time – does it matter at all, I ask? (In reality, I suspect that it matters quite a lot, however let’s pretend it doesn’t!) As I always say whenever I'm late which turns out to be often enough (!) I refuse to be bound by the conventions of time. Well, unless I'm fighting tooth and nail to make a deadline or something. It is worth noting that my anti-time-convention-philosophy is at its most fluent in the morning, when my hand menacingly smashes into my alarm clock to push (I say push, but really it’s demolish) the snooze button for the umpteenth time.

RESUME: Anyway… What was I going on about? Aha! Yes. Right, I got home after having coffee with a friend, made myself a nice glass of ice cold water (I seem to be drinking like a fish lately), watched some TV (a Will and Grace re-run; don’t you just lurve Karen?!? Aha ha ha ha ha… with her high pitched voice!) and had a nice revitalising shower. I did some bedtime reading after which my eyes started to glaze over and I started yawing uncontrollably. It was only when I was seriously struggling to put the words on the page into focus and keep my eyes open that I decided that I was exhausted enough to deserve some serious shut eyes.

Not a second after I had turned off my bedside lamp, I got that ominous feeling that something was amiss. Being ever so slightly neurotic, I walked to the bathroom to check whether I had turned the lights off. Yes - I had.

Then I thought maybe I left the water running, so I had to put the lights on to check that none of the taps were gushing out gallons of water in manner of Niagara Falls or similar. Verified that no water was sprouting from the taps. Turned off the lights again. Resignedly, I made my way, downstairs where everything seemed alright. The fridge was closed, lights off, even the front door was locked well. And there were no monsters lurking behind the curtains, or crouched under the sofa.

So what was it, I wondered as I decided to go back upstairs to sleep trying to ignore the nagging feeling that something (hopefully something other than my mind!) was decidedly off.

Less than a split second later I hit the lights on again. I knew it! Hunting in my bag, I confirmed my suspicion. My beloved mobile was missing. Now where did I leave it? I knew that I had it with me in the car when I got home, because I heard my sms alert. After scouring the room (twice!) I knew that I had left my phone in the car, which meant that I had to get dressed (no, I’m not going out in my PJs!), go downstairs, unlock the door, walk all the way round the corner to where my car was parked and reverse the whole process until I was back in bed and hopefully sound asleep.

As soon as I stepped outside, keys in my hand (to make sure I don’t get locked out… again!) a cool gust of wind brushed my hair and gave me goose bumps – very unlikely for a July evening in Malta. My next-door neighbour’s trees were rustling ominously, shadows were flickering in and out of the night, while the wind was whispering strange things in a language I do not speak. Suddenly my suburban neighbourhood seemed totally alien to me. It was as though I was in some fantasy/fiction novel come to life!

I looked around me and proceeded to the car, got my phone and was walking back home when I saw a shooting star streak across the clear velvety sky. I stopped in my tracks and admired the stars shimmering in the moonlight – a sight which was well worth the impromptu midnight stroll. I got home, charged my mobile phone (after warning it never to go wondering off under the car seat all alone at night again!) and had a good night’s sleep.

Oh… and just in case you were wondering, I did make a wish upon seeing the shooting star. I won’t tell what that wish was, but I will tell you if and when it comes true!

Images on Flickr

I have just added some images which I like or I took with my faithful phone on my new Flickr page, which you can view here and also comment on. :)

Also, I have been meaning to tell you, that just in case you hadn't noticed the general revamp of the blog, I have also been working on some tecchie bloggy things, such as the Bloglet i.e. the little box in the sidebar, through which you can subscribe to regular email updates from my blog.

Something good, sometimes!

I have to, HAVE TO tell someone or I will just die grinning stupidly like this, with this impish expression on my face! I feel like a little child who's been up to no good! Not very becoming of a lady, I know!

And all because this morning, on the way into work, the object of self's affection wasn't sleepy-eyed at all but very chatty and alert and suave - holding a conversation of intellectual nature with self and using various tri-syllabic words! Self is obviously largely relieved to find that said gentleman has such a vast vocabulary - even it was really early in the morning.

Fortunately I was wearing my full-office-makeup (which differs largely from the full-party-evening-makeup, unless one is of course practising the oldest trade in the world, which self is not!) And I had colour coordinated accessories – blue today. (Don't worry, I am not at all over the pink phase and will NOT be switching the template of the blog to blue! Not yet, anyway!)

It is as though the powers that be have decided to make up for Monday! Yesss! Or perhaps it is the new very chic necklace I have, which is made of glass and beads and semi precious stones (all different shades of blue) which may have some very potent magical properties. Or maybe, just maybe he was just in a chatty mood!

And just to think that some ten minutes before meeting said gentleman, I was really grumpy, because:
A) It was too early in the morning to be going to work!
B) One of my exes has taken to parking his car in the same car park as me – which means that I meet him almost every morning. Has he no decency?
C) Some idiot had almost run me and my car onto a pavement on the Birkirkara bypass this morning!

Funny how some things can just flip your perspective round 180 degress!

Hurray it's Monday!

I have spent the greater part of my weekend with a migraine… which is no way to celebrate my meeting yet another deadline (damn!) I guess that life isn’t really fair.

Humph!

When my migraine seemed to be letting off a little, I managed to read some more wonderful twist-in-the-tale-stories by the great O’Henry, which did much to improve the quality of my weekend and my mood… which goes to show you exactly how bad migraines are, particularly when they interrupt perfect weekend plans. Humph!

And we’re back to Monday, which is generally NOT my favourite day of the week! It’s funny how meeting the right person on the way to work can brighten up even the blandest of Mondays. Talk about a good start to your day! Then again, when this said object of one’s affection is too sleepy-eyed to notice oneself (and one’s perfectly colour-coordinated pink accessories, makeup, etc.) the grey cloud that looms upon every fun-loving twentysomething on a Monday morning, darkens ominously to charcoal grey before ultimately surrenders to coal with a stifled whimper. Then it starts thundering and lightening, flashes of electrical atmospheric charge making the coal black cloud look even backer. And CLAP, BANG, BOOM (yes, in the manner of Adam West’s Batman TV series) the little cloud starts pouring rain like there’s no tomorrow. In fact there probably won’t be a tomorrow, and even if tomorrow were to survive it would need acqua lungs to get through the floods. Humph!

This evening I am meeting the Zen Master, henceforth known as ZM (my my, all those legal dramas I’ve been watching and reading are really paying off in terms of pompous vocabulary.. which might probably be ever so slightly distracting, annoying and counterproductive. Make mental note to strike off such abhorrent language from the record! Gaaah! GAAAH! Am now thinking like a lawyer, there must definitely be something very wrong with me HELP! HELP!)

…

Ok have calmed down. Well, at any rate, I am as calm as my natural constitution will ever permit me to be! Will visit my doctor this week to see whether migraines are in any way related to legal dramas, and similar jargon as need serious help! (Obviously.)

Back to the Zen Man who is is smart – way smarter than average (a prerequisite for striking up a conversation, let alone friendship with me!) He’s so smart in fact that he’s even smarter than me (double damn!) And sly as a fox. I am not sure that I am exactly looking forward to hearing his verdicts about my questions. Because whereas other (normal, average Joe) people try to provide answers to your burning questions, ZM simply rates them. It’s one of his many idiosyncrasies -he uses questions as mirrors on which to reflect your personality – very frustrating and severely thought-inducing, which I suspect is his exact intention, honed in like a missile. Let’s hope all this doesn’t give me another migraine!

To my knowledge there is only one reader who knows who I refer to by ZM. She also knows him in person and says that I do give a pretty spot on description (so there, you have it, I’m not exaggerating, or making a fuss, or anything!)

Will let you know how it goes later this week, if I somehow manage to get through today, that is!

Hurray it's Monday!

But really, there's no need to cheer!

London replies!

Thanks to those of you who emailed to ask about my friends in London. The two who i hadn't managed to get in touch with are both safe and well, thank goodness! The relief I felt in knowing that my friends were well was immense. As it turned out, one was on holiday in the Med, while Gret simply left her mobile at home... and what a day to choose to forget one's mobile!

An important deadline (for one of my 'projects') fell this Saturday, which meant that I was very stressed, frantic and generally insane. (What else is new?) However, I managed to watch a great deal of coverage about the attacks in London. It's been really terrible. And it will be very difficult for those friends and families who are mouring their loved ones, as well as those who have been injured, and others looking for the missing. My thoughts go out to these people.

While the world has been in shock over the attacks Londoners have been picking up the pieces and getting back to normality in admirable Brit fashion. They have been called stoic and resilient. They bravely got right back to using the public transport system (where this was available) the day after the attacks. They went back to their life, which is not to say that they weren't upset or concerned. Their great asset is the courage they showed in getting over their perfectly understandable fears and back into their lives. What a reply to give the world and the persons who perpetrated the cruel and inhuman acts!

I was once told that it's not succeeding or failing which counts in life. It's not about how you fall, but how you rise from a defeat and take the challenge to try better and harder next time round. This reminds me of my all time favourtie poem, If by Rudyard Kipling, where he says:

If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two imposters just the same;
...
If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;

Calling London

I cannot believe what the world has come to!

I have just heard about the terrible blasts in London - my dad called me to let me know. Like every Maltese person, I have several family members and friends living in London and was worried sick about them!

I tried calling to make sure that they are ok, but since they live in London, where, I imagine the phone network is down and I couldn't get through to anyone! Terribly anxious, I got onto my trusty computer and started emailing like mad with one hand while sending text messages from my phone with the other! Meanwhile I went on the chat, where lots of friends of mine, like myself were trying to get hold of their loved ones in UK capital. It is surreal how internet and modern telecommunications bring everyone together. Everyone was trying to get in touch with loved ones, hoping that everything would be ok! The worst of it is not knowing, and the helplessness that this brings on! Fortunately all my family members are out of harm's way - THANK GOD!

Only Greta and another friend remain unaccounted for so I am still trying to contact them! (Gret, if you're reading please message me!!!!)

I was watching Tony Blair's press conference on TVM, and he looked very emotional. Accoriding to PBS, although it is still early to tell, no Maltese people seem to have been injured in the blasts, which are now beeing treated as terrorist attacks.

The Ministry of Foreign Affairs, which was very efficient and effective with dealing with Maltese people caught in the Boxing Day Asian Tsunami, has set up a 24-hour helpline to provide information and assistance in relation to the blasts in London. The helpline number is 25968549 for Malta

I would also like to send out my sincere condolences for those who have lost family members and friends in the attacks. I also wish those injured a speedy recovery.

FYI I have changed email address to: girlaboutlife@gmail.com

Take care and be safe!

Taking a bite out of my weekend

I had a great weekend - far better than I even expected. After work on Friday I rushed home, did the shower-hair-makeup-wardrobe-mirrorcheck routine and dashed out to meet JC for a much needed coffee. At 11 pm dropped off JC and went to pick up Lars for a night out at Gianpula, which turned out to be fun. The only upsetting thing about Friday was that on our way out of Gianpula this freaky-looking guy stopped me in my tacks with (get this.... TOP pick-up line turn on phrase coming your way - NOT...)

Ha nigdmek, hi!

Which translates to: Lemme bite you, girl!



Eeeewwww! A primitive insane reflex action led me to turn my head towards the speaker to examine this very troubling genetically deficient ape-like male specimen. Meanwhile I was giving him my 'drop-dead-and-rot-in-hell' glare. Seeing that he was the size of King Kong's older brother, I reluctantly decided that it was best not to hit him (metaphorically) with one of the many snide remarks in my warding-off-unwanted-admirers arsenal or (literally) with my totally cute and stlylish hardback handbag.

Closer inspection of the ill-groomed creature proved that he also suffered deficiencies in the oral hygene department. And I imagine this guy fancies himself to be some kind of dark intriguing vampire-style seducer of defensless womenfolk, loving his women to death etc. Well I guarantee you that the very thought of this guy biting into anything (let alone anyONE!) is disgusting enough to kill said defensless womenfolk on the spot! Gag! Gag! Gag!

But moving on to better things... Saturday and Sunday morning, I spent working on my laptop (hang on... did I say 'moving on to better things'... erm...)

But that effort was well rewarded on Sunday afternoon which I spent lounging in the most relaxing environments imaginable... so really hard work does pay off, once in a while!

And it's Monday again and back to work!

TGIF - will make up for it at the weekend!

So TGIF! Yippeee! Or well, I would like it to be yippee! But since I am behind with absolutely everything, I will be spending most of the weekend inside cramped in some weird position on my bed with my faithful laptop, books flying out of my ears and a pitcher of coffee on my bedside table.

Writing. Typing, typing.

Typing hard. Harder. The letters on my keys fading.

Save. Proof. Edit. Read. Re-read. Send.

Sit. Wait for a reply. Longingly. Hoping for one reply and fearing another.

Oh well!

However, this evening I am going for coffee with JC and later will head out to THE local summer club (aka Gianpula) with Lars and E. I have decided to postpone all the hard work until tomorrow and Sunday. Call it procrastination. Call it burnout deflection. Call it what you want. But it reminds me of a phrase Frank (Nicolas Cage) says in the film Bringing Out the Dead:

“Distraction. Destruction. I feel the need!”

Truth is that a good part of my brain has been taken over by some hedonistic persona which unbeknown to yours truly had been lurking in the shadows, just waiting for the right moment to pounce on me and take over in manner of guerrilla-warfare-tactician. So prior to meeting JC I have decided to go and do some serious shopping (aka more damage to my bank account!) I feel like buying myself something new, but the shop windows with all their lime green, crazy yellow and psycho pink are going to let me down I fear. Perhaps, at least some accessories. Or a bag and new shoes. Hmmm! Am feeling decidedly better already.

Hopefully Gianpula will be good tonight. And I'm not just talking good I'm talking a blast!

Then I'll make up for it tomorrow morning by working non stop. Eeek! And once these deadlines are past, I have decided to treat myself to a spectacularly luxurious spa-type weekend break in Gozo! Now, that’s something to look forward to!

Well, as I always say: I’m a girl, so I can get away with it! (Or rather, I always manage to at any rate!)

Have a great weekend all!

Take care and keep in touch!

Spike's Feng Shui

It is with great regret
that I am writing
to inform you that
Spike
is Dead.

He stood
silent
on a windowsill
for eighteen months.

Motionless.
Unobtrusive.
Undemanding.

Then,
riding on a drunken wave
of unbridled courage
he set sail upon a gust of wind
veiled
as promising spring air.

Spike sprung through nothingness -
hopeful,
he took the leap.

The wind slowed,
its swell decreasing
suddenly.

Most regrettably
Spike landed not on my bed -
as I imagine was his original intention
(being
an obelisk-shaped cactus
complete with
a pink flower
perched on top.)

He came to rest
against
the cold tiled floor of my room,
his body mangled
and twisted
and broken.
Not his intention,
I'm sure.

My windowsill
looks plainly
onto my bed,
just a foot away.

The wind
smiles upon successfully
ridding my room
of bad
feng shui.

Spike is dead.

Hope lives
in the smile of
the wind.

Perhaps the next plant
to grace my windowsill
will be
a
ghost orchid.

Intense

Last weekend, I had a blinding flash of light over a cosy dinner garnished with some intense conversation... and no the flare wasn't caused by an ominous case of stormy weather or faulty light bulbs firing up! I realised that I am apparently helplessly drawn to all things intense. This hit me with a bang while my host and I were having a seemingly innocuous conversation.

Misinterpreting the puzzled look which clouded my face (which usually means that I am pretty close to some Eureka-type moment of revelation!) my host asked me what was wrong. Briefly testing my intensity theory I deviously deflected the conversation on a subject which was sure to capture all his attention.

I put my thoughts on hold until the time when I would step into my car and drive – because that is when I think best. Once the meal was concluded with dessert and time came for me to part from my dining companion my mind eagerly revved to the intensity business. Thoughts and memories confirming my theories came in waves which ebbed and flowed to the tune of my diesel engine.

My reflections, during the twenty-minute drive home proved my theory. I cannot deal with bland apathy and blunt impartiality. They are as dead as dinosaurs and as boring as a hollow bark of a tree (an expression which reminds me of someone I once used to date! Don’t even try to get this one – it’s a joke between my favourite three people; me, myself and I! Just kidding…)

Then intensity slithered alongside my car, sliding over the dew on the badly-surfaced tarmac road. Intensity presented itself along with two cars speeding and overtaking each other behind me. I had to swerve violently to get out of the way of the crated-up cars, seemingly fresh out of the Fast and the Furious or perhaps even Gone in Sixty Seconds, seemingly racing each other without having much control of their cars’ progress on the by-pass.

So close to my heart is the need to feel intensity, which is really all about the energy of life in its purest form, that I have written this haiku. .

Intensity is a double-edged sword

When its frosty blade cuts you

It severs.

I think that the Zen Master would like that!

Now, on a more mundane note - can someone please explain to me why these tough rider wannabes think that speeding about the Maltese roads in the early hours of a humid morning is a good idea?

Long time!

Admittedly I haven’t checked in on you guys in a long time. It’s been such a long time that in fact I am not even going to try and justify this. It’s too complex and personal – even for an ‘anonymous’ blog such as this. Suffice it to say that all projects are back on track-ish’. (Ish being the ever important suffix type-thing!)

A couple of emails from concerned friends, pissed off regular readers and people completely unknown to me (hailing from New York to Kent to Milan and Australia) made me rethink my idea of taking the blog offline. Which is perhaps a good thing.

Just a note regarding what’s been happening on my planet for the past erm, ahem since, well, (GAWD! Now I feel really bad…) since May 4 th. Obviously I am a very bad person, and possibly even a worse blogger – I have not blogged in a MONTH. In OVER a month actually. Ooops! Oh well!

No – just in case you were wondering, this absence of mine is not due to my having won the lottery (as self had erroneously predicted) having spent all the cash and now being indebted to the little evil bank manager person! I could obviously adjust all too easily (perhaps also naturally) to the lavish life of constantly jetting around on expensive planes / yachts / cars / helicopters with good looking men, having A-list male celebrities in punch-outs and possibly Mexican Standoffs fighting over moi… Not that it has ever happened, but it could… Hey, come on I’d be worth it, non?

Acutually, I had a couple of setbacks - perfectly normal thing, afterall one cannot expect to be getting one’s way all the time. Tee hee! Yes, I say ALL the time.

Will have to get self forgiven with a couple of good posts… so will be working on that in the very near future!

Meanwhile if anyone knows the correct lotto numbers for next draw please EMAIL ME! (Yes, I know, this is getting delusional, but so what?)

Winners & Losers

One can surely divide the world according to different criteria, eg wealth, age, language, race, religion. But one thing that slices through all these boundaries like a scalpel is certainly success. In life, there are winners and there are losers. Period.

Now which group would you rather belong to? Don’t bother answering. It’s obvious enough.

(In the instance that you have selected the more-obscure and less obvious option i.e losers, please back away from your computer, slowly. Refrain from making any sudden moves. Please stand up, call the funny farm and wait for your white-coat clad escorts to fit you into that snug circulation-cutting little white vest before carting you off to the Hill.)

Face it, we live in a culture obsessed with winning. And I for one, quite fancy the winning bit, particularly after lots and lots of hard-work, sweating, racing-pulse, etc. What I cannot possibly, ever understand is what the Infinitely Wise One (IWO) was thinking when he made the likes of Paris Hilton – not that it is for me to understand, I would never be *that* arrogant. Really. But I have a little issue with Ms Hilton and her ilk. The world is their oyster and they shun Fate’s smile on their undeserving faces, in the manner with which ducks let water roll off their backs! No, even worse, they probably give Fate the twice-over and comment on how last season her shoes are, peppering their language with ‘That’s hot!’ and ‘Loves it!’ Why? Surely, I would have been more gracious with Fate’s kindness, had this only been bestowed upon me.

(Note to self: STOP watching The Simple Life or self’s brain will go simple, and apart from marking an unbearable loss to the human race, would guarantee self a reserved place at the Hill.)

ENTIRELY FICTICIOUS SCENARIO: Am trying to imagine self at an A-list party in Ms Hilton’s Manolos, which a. don’t fit, b. are too high, and c. don’t go with what I’m wearing. In addition I am constantly looking around nervously because I don’t know anyone, everyone’s drunk (or worse!), someone who looks suspiciously like Mr Colin 'irritating' Farrell is sliding up to me, accessorised with cigarette-in-mouth, beer bottle in one hand and an upcoming thrashy actress (utterly eluded by talent) draped across his other arm. GAAH!

Verdict: Nightmare.

(See what I mean about the Hill now.)

Voice of sane/ adult part of self’s personality (obviously an insignificantly small part of self): Has she gone and totally lost it now?

Self replying to sane/ adult part of self’s personality: No, you git! And will you stop making me feel guilty for everything? I mean a girl deserves a little fun, right? Anyway. I have not lost it.

Actually, I’ve found it! I now know how Fate is going to make everything up to me: I am going to win today’s Super 5 draw.

Sane/ adult part of self’s personality, holding phone to metaphysical ear: Hello, directory enquiries? Yes, could you kindly give me the number of the Funny Farm on the Hill? That’s right. And make it quick for goodness sakes before she gets violent.

Self replying to sane/ adult part of self’s personality: Shurrrup!

Generally I am not really in favour of buying tickets to lotteries, etc because even when I do, I never win! But today it occurred to me to buy tickets for the draw. I felt a very strong special draw to the ticket booth and therefore I have bought two tickets, with a similar selection of numbers – because I was unsure whether Fate instructed me to take a 4 or a 14 – so basically, I thought best to play it safe.
Tonight, when I win the Super 5 draw my life will change. I will drive around in a Hum Vee, wearing only Calvin Klien, Vera Wang, Gucci and Donna Karen over La Perla! Yesss… Cannot wait.

Sane/ adult part of self’s personality, whispering: Boys and Girls check our site for tomorrow’s post: 'How come I didn’t win?'

Long lost friends

Once upon a time I had a childhood friend. We went to the same school, and we used to have parties and go to each other’s houses and everything. And I always thought of her as a little pretty doll who had magically managed to come alive.

Then we grew up, went to different schools and took different paths. In other words we fell out of touch.

- How is that possible on such a small rock like Malta?

- I don't know. I'm just telling you what happened.

Admittedly I am quite certain that had I been more outgoing and self-assured a few years back, when I saw her at one of my favourite Paceville haunts I might have just gone up to her to say hi. But I felt awkward. So I didn’t.

Sometimes it’s not what you do that really gets to you. It’s what you didn’t do and what could have been. ‘What if?’ – that is definitely the most frightening concept ever! Because it means that you closed a door on an opportunity, shutting it out of your life forever. And more often than not, the postman does only ring once. And sometimes when he does, you’re not at home and your special delivery package gets lost forever.

Not having said ‘hi’ (that damn monosyllabic word) to my childhood friend - that will be, alas, one of the few things which I will live to regret. So much of our childhood friendship could have been reminisced… we could have stayed in touch… wudda, cudda, shudda…

Years later I heard, by manner of the all-knowing grapevine, that she suffered a tragedy in the family. Once this news had been confirmed I sent her a card, complete with my return address and contact details. Weeks, months passed by and I never received anything from her. I figured that she wasn’t ready, secretly expecting a note, an sms or an email from her, one day. Time passed and… nothing. I wasn’t surprised. To be honest, I didn’t even take it personally. I just figured that it was too difficult for her to talk about it just yet.

And then it happened. An apparition.

Last week, on my way home from work I glanced at someone who looked familiar, who reminded me of someone I knew. It was like a dream, where you know who you’re dreaming of, but can’t quite put your finger on the identity of the other person.

And then our eyes met. It was her. She looked like a porcelain doll, fragile and pretty. We stopped in our tracks. I think I even stopped breathing for a few seconds, out of shock. But as soon as she realised who I was she turned her head. And I just stood there.

Again I figured that she wasn’t ready.

Then something gripped the pit of my stomach and I suddenly felt the urge to chase after her, find her and tell her how sorry I am about everything. But then the vagrant look in her eyes haunted me. I stood planted to the ground contemplating her look, the very vision of her.

Should I have stopped? What if…

After all what would I tell her? Was I going to ask her what she’s been up to? Is she seeing anyone lately? Was I going to tell her about the last disastrous date I went on? Or about my blog?

We are not best friends. And although I swear that I really wanted to help her, I couldn’t think of anything I could do to make one little bit of difference in her life.

Some words are better left unsaid.

And perhaps, after all I am the one who’s not ready.

I still hope however, that she does get in touch with me. And I hope that when she does, I’ll be ready.

Hiatus

I just realised that I accidentally went on a hiatus - I didn't mean to not blog for so long, but I was unwell, then I was sick (as in sick and tired) then I was confused and now, I think I am back to square one.

Ergo entire worth of self's spiritual quest has evaporated into the great nothingness of the universe.

Humph!

Well, I realised this when Troy - a newly acquired virtual friend of mine, dropped me an email wondering whether I had fallen off of the face of the planet or perhaps was in a coma. Fortunately, neither one nor the other has befallen me and I am alive and well.

Let's see... what happened in the past three and a half weeks? (In chronological order...)

1. Unfortunately I attended the funeral of a friend's baby daughter. Harrowing. Heartbreaking.

2. I came across three separate people who I hadn't seen in a while. As is usually the case in such occasions, each of them promised to call / SMS / email me to meet for coffee / dinner / a drink. Neither of them did. I hate it when people do that! It's so despicable that it should be illegal. This is why I referred to these guys as three separate people and NOT three friends.

3. I went through quite a bit of stress. I don't know why life gets like this, but mine does. I think that it is because I care too much about too many things. I never thought I would possibly think that there is something wrong with that, but lately I am altering my perception about lots of things and lots of people!

4. For the first time since I've known him, my Zen Master (slash mentor slash whatever - who I never previously mentioned in my blog, although he is quite an inspiring figure in my life!) has not been able to shed any significant light into my bleak mood. Perhaps, as he would indubitably say, I am not being receptive enough! Hmmm... I soooo hate it when he's right, just like that! I find it so annoying!

5. The Pope died. I am not a particularly fanatic religious person, but I did so like Wojtyla. Apart from his role as leader of the Roman Catholic Church, I thought that his life journey was amazing and inspirational! I don't think that I should be saying this, but I'm going to anyway... I wonder what Dan Brown, author of the infamous and ill-written Da Vinci Code (no, I am NOT going to link to his site or his book, if you want more info, just Google them!) would have to say about this Pope's death and his funeral. My blood reverses course and my brain ceases at the very thought that he might come up with some other spoon-fed narrative style conspiracy-theory caper surrounding the death of the Pontiff! Eeek!

I was taking stock of my life, well the past three and a half weeks, really - and I just realised, that no matter what, I feel that I am at least two steps ahead of my previous post. Which, I suspect is a good thing. But at what price?

Have a great weekend and keep in touch!

Je ne sais pas!

I am still here….

Actually I don’t know whether that’s a good thing or not. But it’s a fact. A truth. (Now I’m starting the whole ‘is-the-truth –relative?’ diatribe in my head, which is already unhealthily perched on the precipice of an explosive end!)

Ok… am trying to regroup. Feeling a little confused. Ok maybe more than a little. I guess that this is what danger lies behind a woman contemplating, life – hers or otherwise! Even worse when the only answer to questions is ‘buqq… dunno.’ Yep, as in je ne sais pas!

And answers... they are so elusive! (But why am I so arrogant to believe that I can answer universal questions which have plagued the mighty brains of Aristotle, and the like?)

GAAAAH! am getting too frustrated even thinking about all this again! There was a point to this post (for a change!)... I'm sure of that!

Oooh! Yes… I forgot. In between asking questions (i.e. Why? Why ME? Trust me - not good…) and hunting down answers which are as fleeting as ghosts I have been:

- Totally neglecting Project 1 – so I am going to have to make up for it by staying at home this weekend, and the next, and the next, ad nauseum. Bummer.

- Reading like mad - finished Hemmingway’s For Whom the Bell Tolls, Helen Fielding’s Olivia Joules and the Overactive Imagination, and Anna Maxted’s Behaving Like Adults. (I know… don’t say anything… the term escapism is screeching in my ears, like nine inch nails grating across a blackboard!)

- Working with some steam on Project 2, although I am not entirely satisfied with it, I think that this month will put an impressive mark (in manner of epiphanicial catalyst) on this project. Tell you more at a later stage. (Although, also blatant escapism – perhaps escapissim? Hmmm.)

- Project 3 is back on track after a disasterous spell! Why do I need all the answers, to everything? Perhaps I am just a girl. A girl with a blog.

Daqshekk! Am going to make some calming green tea …

Emergency

I have recently been writing poetry with more frequency and intensity. I have dabbled with free verse for a number of years, much like a blind man would dabble with oils on canvas. But following my haiku stint, which is still going strong, i have taken up free verse with some more vigour.

Today, I am in a very weird, almost perturbed mood, and I wrote this:


Emergency

In solitude,
I need
the edge,
wild and dangerous,
and alive.

A life
of trysts
and
adventures
haunts my dreams
in wake
and
sleep.

Clutching
at my desk,
to survive
the mundane
trying to be
calm.

Useless bloody mantras.

Feigning
calm,
contained
anger
bubbles and boils
and
boils bubbles
in the ulcer-pierced
cauldron
of my
stomach.

I want out!

‘Excuse me, sir.
Which way’s the exit?
Tell me, please,
please
tell me
now.

This is an emergency!’



Fortunately I am meeting a friend for coffee, so that should sort out the sullen mood!

Gozo weekend break… finally!

This weekend was a total blast! Went to Gozo with Lars and Er. Woke up at bloody 7 am on a Saturday to catch the 9 am ferry (‘to make the best of it!’ as Lars in her “infinite wisdom”, put it…) but it was totally worth it!

Spent the weekend mostly reading, listening to Asian fusion tunes, partying and relaxing in the triple room of a 4-star hotel in Marsalforn. We also managed to get some exercise done as we went swimming (obviously in the hotel’s indoor pool, which wasn’t half as warm as I was hoping…) Saturday evening, after going for a pizza in Xlendi, the girls and I went to this club called XS where DJs Pierre Cordina and Carlo Borg Bonaci were mixing the decks, and we had a good, albeit somewhat baffling time! A couple of Gozitan specimen of the male sex tried to pick us up – as we gathered, after much mindboggling linguistic deconstruction, as we couldn’t understand what they were saying… They have a v strong accent there… ho hmmm.

We spent lots of time driving round Malta’s sister island, which is untainted by excessive over-urbanisation, traffic hell, etc. We managed to get lost a couple of times along our ‘road trip’ (I know it’s probably impossible for anyone to get lost in Gozo… it’s so small…)

Sunday we went to Dwejra for ice-cream, and started making our way to the Mgarr Harbour. When Er pulled the pre-paid return tickets our of my car's glovecompartment, we discovered that the liquid air freshener, which I had detached from the car fan (due to Er's asthma) had leaked all over the tickets! Gaaah! Fortunately the barcodes were still legible and after some explaining to the booth attendant and lots of embarrassed / hysterical giggling we managed to get through! By the time we got back home on Sunday afternoon, we were too tired to do much of anything!

I soooo needed a break… But it’s Monday again… Oh well!

Making deadlines!

Firstly: Ooops sorry...was meant to post yesterday, but I got caught up with one of my other projects and was totally wiped out with the reilief that... (Drum roll please!)

Yesss... yesss... yesss! I met the deadline - project 1 part 1 on time!

AND am quite satisfied with the outcome, if I dare say so myself (and I do!) Am I good or am I good? (No, it't NOT a typo - it's a trick question! He he! Gotcha!)

So yes... I'm estatic, la vie - ah! c'est marveillieuse!

Am regaining control of my life again! Tonight am going out to celebrate with JackieChan (NOT the moviestar BUT one of my best friends EVER), who also has some great work-releated news to celebrate!

And talking about celebrating, Lars and Er have already warned me to prepare for a weekend of total pampering and bliss in Gozo! Aaaah! Probably all three of us (although obviously NOT together!) will get back massages by some Norwegian deity-lookalike massus, possibly called Hans, with piercing blue eyes and blond hair, and bulging biceps...

Hmmm... will take a moment (or two... or possibly longer.... ho hum) to visualise said image...

Right... am back!

As I was saying, Lars, Er and I are going to spend the weekend getting facials, and being fabulous and elegant and blissful at the spa of a super sleek hotel in Gozo. Much in the manner of a diva, recouping from post-Oscar celebrations. Only none of us are divas (...yet! Although we sometimes behave as though we are!) And our invites to the Oscars and post-Oscar bashes have been, erm... lost in the mail, shall we say?

In addition, yesterday I had some major writing breakthroughs, which I hope to polish (possilbly this weekend at the spa!) and post... so all you smart dolls and guys out there can let me know what you think!

Cigarette break

Saturday morning. Have been awake since 8 this morning! Deadline is Monday! Obviously did not go out last night, and am not going out tonight or tomorrow! So much for TGFTW (Thank God For The Weekend!)

Blah!

Have been working on Project 1 following a series of unpredictable setbacks all morning and have decided to take a cigarette break (finally!) Since there is way too much caffeine in my system, it is impossible for me to revert from multi-tasking and do one thing at a time i.e. sit and relax for five minutes. Therefore decided that best way to use time while smoking is to post on my blog - something which I haven't managed to do in a while!

I wanted to thank those of you who have emailed / called with words of support and encouragement! Thanks L, J (aka JackieChan), E, Joseph, etc.

I should write back shortly, possibly tomorrow or Monday depending on the exigencies of this insatiably demanding Project 1. Fortunately next weekend L, E and myself are spending a glorious girl's nite in Gozo, where we plan to do nothing but get pampered and have fun! So at least that's something nice to look forward to!

Have a great weekend!

Must get back to work! Work. work. work.

Naaaaaaah!

Bloody hell!

Bloody Monday!

Project 1 has taken up most of my time. Actually it has practically taken over my life in manner of weird slimey outer-space parasite! In addition, people who are supposed to help have (just for the sake of shits and giggles, apparently!) become insurmountable obstacles. Which is why my posts have been so scarce. Bloody typical! Imma x’taghmel? Am getting a little bit annoyed at the way in which life is getting in the bloody way of MY plans to take over the universe!

For some unknown reason (let's not even try to figure this one out!) this reminds me of a John Lennon quote which was on a billboard in the film Kuffs, one of my favourites during my Christian Slater era, which was obviously before he earned a reputation for being a stripper-loving gambling-drinker). God, that was complicated! Anyway the quote was:

Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans.

Hmmm… am taking a moment to search for spiritual enlightenment.

Have returned to senses (tee heeee!) from philosophical break…

Minutes spent pondering ‘life’ quote: 17

Minutes spent pondering point of self’s life: 23

Iota of spiritual enlightenment found: 0

All together now: Naaaaaah!

Am feeling totally... Totally… There are no words. No words. Nothing!

Am in one of those moods where I just know that it is useless to even think about trying not to moan. Perhaps should go to a health farm for a week or a month or something… like Ben Affleck (although obviously NOT because I am a Hollywood A-list actor with ‘issues’).

Hmmm perhaps will go to a health farm, find God and accidentally bump into some Greek-godlike billionaire actor who’ll cart me off to some quiet idyllic island, where…. (obviously is no need to go on. Have never written smut and do not need to walk down that road exactly right now! Am already down in the dumps… better not take my writing into the sewer, or at this point might really run off to a non-extradition country!)

I mean, surely it’s alright to fantasise about such things! It’s only momentary psychological escapism . V healthy actually! At 26??? Is this healthy at 26? Don’t know, really – think is better not to know than to find out and be carted off to the funny farm (as opposed to v exclusive, chic health farm. Hmm… image of health farm now getting alarmingly more elaborate!)

Need a distraction from all this nonsensical complication. Ok. Let me check my inbox. Perhaps have received email from said godlike actor…

Total bummer! No email from godlike actor. (Surprise, surprise! Tsk!) Desperate attempt to reconnect to reality has miserably failed (again!)

Have just re-read above post and am laughing. I managed to make myself laugh! And as a consequence am feeling better. Perhaps due to the endorphin thingies which kick into your system when you laugh as a natural anti-depressant! Or perhaps because even when I lose my patience, thankfully I still don’t lose my sense of humour! Or perhaps because this blog is really a thin disguise for narrative therapy!

Am going to return to tackle bloody Project 1 with renewed vigour and determination and am also probably going to steam roll over people-cum-insurmountable-obstacles! Have a great week! (I will keep you posted about mine!)

Weatherwise

The word 'weatherwise' reminds me of Frank (Sinatra) singing Fly With Me, where he sings:

Weatherwise it’s such a lovely day
You just say the words
And we’ll beat the birds
Down to Aacapulco bay
It’s perfect, for a flying honeymoon - they say
Come fly with me
We’ll fly we’ll fly away

... I'm going to make an effort to stop typing there. Yes - I have been typing the words to the swing tune from memory. I guess it's just one of those songs

Michael Buble who is reviving swing in mainstream pop culture also does a pretty good rendition of the song. Finally perhaps swing is back! I don't quite know why (as in the reason escapes me, but then again it might also be a case of all reason in generally escaping me..) but I always had a penchant for the 30s, and 40s. Perhaps it is the clothes. Or the excitement of novelty, which my generation might very well have lost for good. We have seen everything. Done everything. and then some. But nothing is new. As they say in the U.S. of A. 'been there, done that, and bought the T-shirt.'

There are some things (quite a few really!) which I will admittedly never understand. Like, when all likelihood is that it will turn out to be a sensibly nice winter day, and therefore I wear my new tweed skirt with black tights. Then badabingbadaboom it starts pissing rain, hailing and blowing up gusts of wind that threaten to turn me into Mary Poppins (Ms Practically Perfect in Every Way) if I open my umbrella outdoors. Boqq! Somethings are just beyond my grasp.

Now I am a winter lover! Always have been, always will be. Unashamedly I despise the splintering summer sun and long for the windy winter weather. BUT (and there is always a ‘but’, other than the one we sit on, of course, which incidentally is spelt with a double ‘t’ at the end, ‘thus butt’ – but I digress…)

Where was I? Yes… But Mr Weather Man could at least kindly make up his mind about what it’s going to be. It is very difficult to colour and texture co-ordinate you look in tune with the cold weather, only to find out that contrary to all blithering expectations (and possibly – although not sure about this, but anyway- NASA satellite imaging system thingies) it’s going to be colder than cold! And trust me, it is no joke wearing skirts in winter, ‘gorgeous A-line tweed skirt, with cross hatch detail and a frayed hem for that little touch of bohemia’ or not! Tights or not! But the skirt is fantastic...

Which reminds… this sales season was not so hot for me (not just weatherwise I mean!) Apart from a ‘few’ (ho... hum..) key fashion items, this season hasn’t offered much. I know that I am an exigent shopper. And alas, I operate under a form of budget (word to be used and understood loosely...) Flexible as it may be, but a budget nonetheless.

Now, can someone please explain to me what on earth shop owners and managers (managers for the love of style!) are doing setting up with the spring fashion when its so c-c-c-cold that my hands turn blue at the mere sight of a three-quarter sleeved shirt? Someone? Anyone?

I mean it’s too cold to want to try on lighter spring clothes. It’s almost unnaturally cold for a Maltese person – after all this winter has been the coldest in 19 or 14 years (depending which of the local newspapers you read!) Shoppers cannot possibly be expected to buy spring clothes while winter sales rage on! Can they? I mean at this rate these guys are going to be having their spring stock sale in under two months!

Have just re-read the post..... Hmmm.... this is v troublesome.... Can someone PLEASE explain to me how on earth I got from weatherwise, to Frank Sinatra to the sales and the weather? Arrghh! Head is spinning in attempt to backtrack through this logic here. Think I better go get some rest!

Mad sightings and Haiku

This weekend was a goodish one (v. conservative estimate). I got down to working on one of my projects, but as usual I overshot and am behind according to my overly ambitious plans!

On Saturday evening (which was part of Carnival weekend, let's not forget!) I went to The Alley in Paceville, where I saw six guys dressed as sperms – i.e. they were wearing long white socks on their heads, tight white t-shirts, and matching ski pants (eek!) and were buffered from the cold by pillows strapped to their torsos - front and rear. This presumably, to give them that tadpole shape.

Otherwise their outfits made no sense. Or have I misinterpreted this? Perhaps they were meant to be ghosts with weight issues? If this is the case, then a Freudian perspective of my interpretation of these weird costumes would be v. concerning. Fortunately I am not a Freudian. Hopefully, neither are you!

And, just in case you were wondering, I really did see them! As in I was NOT drunk. And I’m pretty sure it wasn’t a dream / figment of my imagination / psychotic episode, or I’d be in serious need of therapy if my subconscious came up with that all on its own! But anyway the bouncers didn’t let them in.

Please note: For fear of making some unintended puns or being misinterpreted I will end my commentary regarding the issue right there. I am just sorry that I didn’t manage to snap a pic of these guys with my mobile phone!

On to more sane, less worrying thoughts… I sometimes wonder whether we bloggers ever meet by chance, without knowing it or meaning to. Perhaps a fellow blogger, whose blog I regularly visit is at the same bar as myself, dining at the same restaurant, enjoying cappuccino at the same café…. Which makes you wonder about serendipity Hmmm…

Anyway, this weekend I decided to try something new. And by that I don’t mean going to the Marsaxlokk market to see the folks there set up at 6 am! No, I tried my hand at Haiku, so here hos my first haiku:

i alone at sea -
the ghost of your reflection
still skimming the deep

and my second...

the soft old lady
sits still, waiting in the park
to fly like a bird

Have a great week!

No broken vases...

Just a quick note to tell you (just in case you were wondering) that no - nobody's broken any vases on my head (yet... BUT there's still time!) and that I'm STILL here. As in: No, I haven't made my way to a non-extradition country, Alaska or outerspace. he he!

Had a nice coffee with L yesterday after work at Cesar's, chatted a little, about men, and work, and life. And of course made plans for the weekend! yipee! TGIF!

And in totally unrelated news...

Earlier this week I was just checking my horoscope for tomorrow on ivillage.com This is something I do occasionally, just in case me and all the other people of my sign i.e. Scorpio (aka Beware) are destined to hit the lottery jackpot or receive a Ferrari or something of the sort. I'm not really into astrology, but hey there's no harm in checking! I mean - if i'm going to be saving the world tomorrow i should know, so i can keep my makeup bag handy, together with my black stilettos and sleek clutch bag, for when they interview me on Larry King. Or Xarabank. Or not.

Anyway, this is what my horoscope read:

Enough with the intrigue. It's time for openness -- and maybe a little shopping. Combine the two. Let someone know what you're up to, and then buy what you need.

Ok. So, NOW can you guess what I'm going to do?

Nah! Come on!

Ok... I'll tell you, but only because you asked so nicely! I'm going to log off the blog for today. Am clearly going to spend all night drawing up my wish list... Let's see where do I start...

Hang on there a second!

I know it's like a trick question... like the ones in Aesop's fables and the Grimms' fairytales which we were told when we were young. You rub the lamp and make three wishes and then... the sphynx / genie / whatever tricks you into wasting your wishes. Or even worse turns your wishes against you. Moral: be careful what you wish for, which reminds me of two utterly gripping short stories (slightly dark but still v good): The Bottle Imp and The Monkey's Paw. Moral: beware what you wish for... it just might come true!

Talking about reading, this weekend I hope to catch up with Hemingway's For Whom the Bell Tolls!

The blogging movement

Today I’m in more of a philosophical, meditative mood than usual. Which is something at any rate. Perhaps it’s because I’m currently reading Hemingway’s For Whom the Bell Tolls. His seamless flow almost rambles subconsciously like a river going somewhere, somewhere but where? It just does something to me. I know it does.

I am having somewhat of a difficult day. More stressful really. But I can handle it (hopefully with out actually flying off the proverbial handle myself!) Deadline pushed forward here. Reschedule this and do that. And juggle-all-these­-fine-priceless one-of-a-kind- crystal-vases-without-breaking-anything.

Have not broken any crystal vases…yet. However, I sense the distinct possibility that someone might want to break one on my head pretty soon.

I was thinking (yes. Thinking. Enough of the jokes, now. I have a point to make. Teee! Heee!)

Alright, well if you’re going to be like that I won’t tell you anything. Anything.At.All. (Daqshekk. Nodding head haughtily.)

Well, I was thinking… there are all these blogs out there in the wilderness of cyberspace. Written by real people with real lives. Sitting behind their computers. Tapping away at their keyboards. All united by their blogger identities in an electronic symphony of bits, bites, downloads and emails.

It seems that blogging is being taken up quite well in Malta! I was recently emailing a guy I met via my blog about this and I thought to myself that there is this whole sub-culture of bloggers who put their lives online and read each other’s virtual words.

Then we comment. And receive emails – possibly from people who we don’t know in real life. People whose existence was previously completely unknown to us.

And yet we are all part of the same sphere in blogger terms. I mean there you are just posting your ramblings, rants, trials and tribulations online. Sending your words out like little exploration teams scouting out cyberworld… alone out into the universe. Then some come back to you as emails and posts.

And you think: This is just bloody marvellous! (Said in perfect British accent, intonation and all!)

Well, I think that I’ll be musing some more about the full anthropological and sociological aspects of ‘the blogging movement’ another time, as I have to meet a friend of mine for a coffee. Well, you know, we're just going to talk about guys. obviously.

What's your take about the blogging movement?

Told you there'd be changes!

This blog was formerly hosted at http://nina78.clarence.com

Please not that my new email is girlaboutlife@yahoo.com (like that I have lots more space to save your comments!)

More changes coming soon.

Keep on the lookout!

N
aka Nina78

Yipeeee! Got a mention!

Dear Highly Esteemed Readers of this blog,

It is with great pleasure that I am blogging to inform you that Nina’s Sphere has been featured in Robert’s very interesting and varied blog Wired Temples You can view his full entry about my blog here

Also I would like to thank Robert for the feature as well as his support and feedback!

In addition, am working on enhancing this blog, so get ready for a couple of surprises in the very short term.

Best regards

N

Catching my breath

Now that things have calmed down a little, I have the time to catch my breath and take stock of…

Of… Of having made it through last week’s madness alive?

Of not giving into the alluring temptation of yelling my head off?

Of not having flown off the handle?

Of something or other.


Well, all this commotion started on a Tuesday. Which is already a very bad thing in itself, as I believe that anything that starts should always start on a Monday. It is clearly most befitting since Monday is the first day of the week.

And don’t give me any rubbish about Sunday being the first day of the week. I don’t work on Sundays.

Sundays were made for you to get a rest before starting another frantic week of work!

And with that, your Honour the defense rests its case! (Said in dramatic, triumphant tone. Obviously)

(PS For those of you wondering – no thankfully I am NOT a lawyer – or any kind of legal professional. I just like legal dramas – vide John Grisham’s novels – sooo much better than the film adaptations!)

Plus, it sounds so much better to say ‘it started on a Monday’ than ‘it started on a Tuesaday’. But anyway…

As I was saying, prior to flying off at that arbitrary and irrelevant tangent, (but hey, it’s my blog and I’ll do as I please!) I was telling you all about how it all began.

It started on a Tuesday.

Man, I HATE the sound of that sentence. Let’s see what we can do about that… (Note the use of the royal we there! He he he! More like the royal wee!)

It was a Tuesday when it all started.

Sounds even worse.

Last Tuesday…

Phew! This creative writing process is just killing me! KILLING ME! How long have I been at this?

GAAAH!

Just glanced at the clock ticking silently in the bottom right-hand corner of my computer!!!

Must go get ready and meet my friend in Sliema in 20 minutes for emergency meeting re the guy she likes. This evening I have to tell her that, well that, he’s just a shy guy.

WAIT!

Just wait one minute! Is he really shy? Or is he playing a wily game of cat and mouse?

I mean how are we supposed to know with these men today?

Oh God! I can’t make up my mind about this one! In addition to cutting corners and fellow motorists off the Regional Road (again!) I am going to have to solve this too!

Re the thing that started last Tuesday – well, erm, think it’s better if I tell you next time I blog. Well let’s be positive and generate a positive karma flow, at least I’m blogging more often!

Must dash now. Byeeeee!

N