One day, and all too soon, I suspect this bloggee thingee will get self into cataclysmic trouble. Like a good girl scout however, am always well prepared. (although was never a girl scout, actually!)
Therefore, in my defense am quoting the almighty Bridget:
''After all, it's only a diary. Everyone knows diaries are all just... full of crap.'m
From Bridget Jones's Diary, by Helen Fielding
Tuesday, March 05, 2013
Monday, March 04, 2013
Jeeves returns
Jeeves is back. From where? Doing what? With whom? Ah, the searing questions which burn my brain this Monday!
He apparently went to the Doc, and has IBS (more like Is B. S., but anyways!) Therefore he has been put on a special diet, requiring me to purchase special food AND also a number of appliances. Of course, you have realised that being unwell he has kept to his rooms and self has spent majority of weekend shopping for him and cooking for him. Have also had to do the loads, laundry, cleaning, ironing etc. Weekend transformed into disaster further, as had to forgo evening plans for both Friday and Saturday to tend to Jeeves. This mean cancellation of date with a certain fellow, who is not at all amused and thinks self has shown him to the curb. Since self was not too keen, will assume that clearly no good could come of relationship and therefore will let this fall by the wayside. Also, after all the chores, self is too tired to clarify situation and /or plan and execute revenge (as opposed to cheeky fellow.)
Rather incredibly Jeeves was up and about as though nothing had been amiss. He even had coffee ready and an omelette waiting warm in the pan, this morning. And guess what, they were both for me!
Perhaps this is his way of saying thanks?
Self might not be luckiest valet-employer on planet. But tomato and mushroom omelette was nearly good enough to make up for the rotten weekend. Almost, I said!
He apparently went to the Doc, and has IBS (more like Is B. S., but anyways!) Therefore he has been put on a special diet, requiring me to purchase special food AND also a number of appliances. Of course, you have realised that being unwell he has kept to his rooms and self has spent majority of weekend shopping for him and cooking for him. Have also had to do the loads, laundry, cleaning, ironing etc. Weekend transformed into disaster further, as had to forgo evening plans for both Friday and Saturday to tend to Jeeves. This mean cancellation of date with a certain fellow, who is not at all amused and thinks self has shown him to the curb. Since self was not too keen, will assume that clearly no good could come of relationship and therefore will let this fall by the wayside. Also, after all the chores, self is too tired to clarify situation and /or plan and execute revenge (as opposed to cheeky fellow.)
Rather incredibly Jeeves was up and about as though nothing had been amiss. He even had coffee ready and an omelette waiting warm in the pan, this morning. And guess what, they were both for me!
Perhaps this is his way of saying thanks?
Self might not be luckiest valet-employer on planet. But tomato and mushroom omelette was nearly good enough to make up for the rotten weekend. Almost, I said!
Thursday, February 28, 2013
When Jeeves is away...
Jeeves conveniently vanished while I was cooking, cleaning the kitchen, doing the laundry and putting on a load. Very suspicious behavior. Not very valet-like, at all. What was he up to all day? Entire point of having valet when self is left to do all this work, escapes self!
OMG. sudden realization dawning on self. Can almost hear staccato, tension-inducing music of Hitchcock film, or similar! Perhaps he is really a hit man sent by the mob on behalf of bank manager?
Voice of sanity: paranoid much?
Self: Oh just sod off!
Well, point was that Jeeves has gone AWOL. Guess he is not entirely to blame as living with self over past couple of months might be a teensy-bit demanding. Especially in relation to some of the hare-brained schemes that have attempted over past couple of months. Not to mention The Misguided Captain and Alpha Wannabe - such Daniel Cleavers, really!
Well, finally have flat to self and can do as please - which, frankly, I ALWAYS find a way to do. ALWAYS, as in Jeeves or no Jeeves. Hmmm, what is he up to? A tryst? An intrigue? An international diplomatic case of gargantuan proportions?
Voice of sanity: seriously, woman?
Self: Am determined to ignore you!
Oh well, while he's away, shall get down to some serious online shopping. Ha haaaa. Hope you didn't think I'd become mature and responsible and boring. No, no, no. That is not to be borne.
Voice of sanity: and you wonder why ghe bank manager has take a hit out on you? Shocking, isn't it?
Self: ignoring you!
Must keep moving towards dream-wardrobe full of clothes, bags and shoes, which will soon take over entire apartment, and will then have to buy floor beneath self's flat to live in. Which obviously will mean talking the bank people into giving my second loan the green light!
Loud slamming of door. It's not that Jeeves has returned. It's the door slamming behind voice of sanity as it just walks out.
Fantastic... Another successful instance of ignoring a problem to make it go away! Bloody brilliant!
Remember guys and gals, Denial ain't just a river in Egypt.
OMG. sudden realization dawning on self. Can almost hear staccato, tension-inducing music of Hitchcock film, or similar! Perhaps he is really a hit man sent by the mob on behalf of bank manager?
Voice of sanity: paranoid much?
Self: Oh just sod off!
Well, point was that Jeeves has gone AWOL. Guess he is not entirely to blame as living with self over past couple of months might be a teensy-bit demanding. Especially in relation to some of the hare-brained schemes that have attempted over past couple of months. Not to mention The Misguided Captain and Alpha Wannabe - such Daniel Cleavers, really!
Well, finally have flat to self and can do as please - which, frankly, I ALWAYS find a way to do. ALWAYS, as in Jeeves or no Jeeves. Hmmm, what is he up to? A tryst? An intrigue? An international diplomatic case of gargantuan proportions?
Voice of sanity: seriously, woman?
Self: Am determined to ignore you!
Oh well, while he's away, shall get down to some serious online shopping. Ha haaaa. Hope you didn't think I'd become mature and responsible and boring. No, no, no. That is not to be borne.
Voice of sanity: and you wonder why ghe bank manager has take a hit out on you? Shocking, isn't it?
Self: ignoring you!
Must keep moving towards dream-wardrobe full of clothes, bags and shoes, which will soon take over entire apartment, and will then have to buy floor beneath self's flat to live in. Which obviously will mean talking the bank people into giving my second loan the green light!
Loud slamming of door. It's not that Jeeves has returned. It's the door slamming behind voice of sanity as it just walks out.
Fantastic... Another successful instance of ignoring a problem to make it go away! Bloody brilliant!
Remember guys and gals, Denial ain't just a river in Egypt.
Wednesday, February 27, 2013
What now?
Have been away for some time. *some* might be an ever so slight understatement, in view of the fact that it's been a number of years. But as you might recall, I am rather time-flexible... Like Einstein I believe that time is relative... After all, great minds think alike, and all that! Although I have a slight inkling that this is not what his theory of relativity was about, exactly. But why bother with the details, when I have so much to tell?
Voice of sanity: Because the devil is in the detail, perhaps?
Self: oh do shut up! You are sooo pedantic!
What was I on about, in lieu of an apology to my readers? Ah yes... A long absence it has been, indeed. You might ask what I've been up to. Well, here's a quick recap of the most salient points...
Let's start with romance, just to please some of the gossips... During my absence I have gotten over and gotten rid of (although not in the mob way) Mr Big. I got tangled with Mr Even Bigger, the geek (sigh, don't we all have one in our past), the Captain (of a ship which was only slightly better off than the Titanic) and the (wannabe) Alpha. They have been a handful. And fortunately my memory isn't my forte, so all has been forgiven or forgotten or whatever. It's been over five years guys, so before you start raising your eyebrows at me, yes, I did date. And have made some unsavory choices, admittedly. However, this has been a learning process and am not going to make the same mistakes again. And i don't mean that in the new year's resolution kind of way!!!
No, have not settled down with nice sensible man and gotten married. Erm, didn't you read the above or any of my previous posts, over the years? Still no Mr Darcy.
Have also not been kidnapped by aliens, wanting to return me to the mothership!
Managed to escape the men in white coats, together with the ravages of time (the latter thanks to a vigorous beauty regime, healthier lifestyle and some pretty expensive creams.)
Have not been hunted down by bank manager (who incidentally has now taken a not-so-legal-contract out on my head. The cheek of the man... After single-handedly creating the global recession, well practically.). However, I did have few close calls. Phew, can that fellow run despite his short stubbly legs and pot belly. I thought he would have dropped dead from shock when the bank approved the loan application for my flat!
Have spent the equivalent of eleven months stuck in traffic, three years working my butt off, and two years thinking (which, incidentally, I also do in my sleep!). Have taken up some new interests too... But must not give the game away so soon, as should save something for future posts!
More interestingly, I have also engaged the services of a butler. Yes... Keeping up with all the above and the housework, was simply too much. My job, social life and various interests take priority. And time is limited, too. Plus, Big was right about one thing... I am not made for the nitty gritty housework thingee. Enough excuses?
Voice of sanity: She needed a butler, she thought. This one is beyond help!
Self: Didn't you hear me when I said shut up, the first time round?
Yes, I now have a valet, who we shall call Jeeves. Needed some help with the chores around my flat so, voila...Jeeves. Although between you and me, am still at a loss as to exactly what I am paying him for. He is very smart and charming in an asexual sort of manner. Very stiff upper lip, all formalities, and all that. And he has these velvety white gloves.
Voice of sanity: a valet? For a flat? A VALET?? What will she do now, hire a zoologist to take care of her yellow rubber bath duck?
Self: SILENCE (said in echoing manner of Dumbledore during Hogwarts' assembly.)
Right, let's get it straight from the get go. Jeeves is not a significant other, nor is he a romantic or sexual partner. He is employed by self to take care of the cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping, household maintenance and what not. This is purely business, and clearly I am the boss!
However, for some reason I end up cleaning after him and mentally dueling him into letting me have MY way around MY house. Really. The things I have to put up with!
Must go as Jeeves is breathing down my neck, trying to discreetly (he thinks, but I will NOT be fooled) discover what I am up to!
Voice of sanity: Because the devil is in the detail, perhaps?
Self: oh do shut up! You are sooo pedantic!
What was I on about, in lieu of an apology to my readers? Ah yes... A long absence it has been, indeed. You might ask what I've been up to. Well, here's a quick recap of the most salient points...
Let's start with romance, just to please some of the gossips... During my absence I have gotten over and gotten rid of (although not in the mob way) Mr Big. I got tangled with Mr Even Bigger, the geek (sigh, don't we all have one in our past), the Captain (of a ship which was only slightly better off than the Titanic) and the (wannabe) Alpha. They have been a handful. And fortunately my memory isn't my forte, so all has been forgiven or forgotten or whatever. It's been over five years guys, so before you start raising your eyebrows at me, yes, I did date. And have made some unsavory choices, admittedly. However, this has been a learning process and am not going to make the same mistakes again. And i don't mean that in the new year's resolution kind of way!!!
No, have not settled down with nice sensible man and gotten married. Erm, didn't you read the above or any of my previous posts, over the years? Still no Mr Darcy.
Have also not been kidnapped by aliens, wanting to return me to the mothership!
Managed to escape the men in white coats, together with the ravages of time (the latter thanks to a vigorous beauty regime, healthier lifestyle and some pretty expensive creams.)
Have not been hunted down by bank manager (who incidentally has now taken a not-so-legal-contract out on my head. The cheek of the man... After single-handedly creating the global recession, well practically.). However, I did have few close calls. Phew, can that fellow run despite his short stubbly legs and pot belly. I thought he would have dropped dead from shock when the bank approved the loan application for my flat!
Have spent the equivalent of eleven months stuck in traffic, three years working my butt off, and two years thinking (which, incidentally, I also do in my sleep!). Have taken up some new interests too... But must not give the game away so soon, as should save something for future posts!
More interestingly, I have also engaged the services of a butler. Yes... Keeping up with all the above and the housework, was simply too much. My job, social life and various interests take priority. And time is limited, too. Plus, Big was right about one thing... I am not made for the nitty gritty housework thingee. Enough excuses?
Voice of sanity: She needed a butler, she thought. This one is beyond help!
Self: Didn't you hear me when I said shut up, the first time round?
Yes, I now have a valet, who we shall call Jeeves. Needed some help with the chores around my flat so, voila...Jeeves. Although between you and me, am still at a loss as to exactly what I am paying him for. He is very smart and charming in an asexual sort of manner. Very stiff upper lip, all formalities, and all that. And he has these velvety white gloves.
Voice of sanity: a valet? For a flat? A VALET?? What will she do now, hire a zoologist to take care of her yellow rubber bath duck?
Self: SILENCE (said in echoing manner of Dumbledore during Hogwarts' assembly.)
Right, let's get it straight from the get go. Jeeves is not a significant other, nor is he a romantic or sexual partner. He is employed by self to take care of the cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping, household maintenance and what not. This is purely business, and clearly I am the boss!
However, for some reason I end up cleaning after him and mentally dueling him into letting me have MY way around MY house. Really. The things I have to put up with!
Must go as Jeeves is breathing down my neck, trying to discreetly (he thinks, but I will NOT be fooled) discover what I am up to!
Tuesday, February 12, 2013
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